IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a courntry. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#governments #progress #people #courntry
In my opinion, if the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 about
progress
Add an article
the progress
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
, it has to be conveyed in various
asspects
Correct your spelling
aspects
. Social platforms develop
countries
' communications with both neighbours and other
countries
. These and those communications
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the main key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
progress
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if the
country
 wants to make strong
bounds
Correct your spelling
bonds
show examples
 with other
countries
, surely it should begin with its economic
progress
. In developing
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
this
progress
 is shown
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
diffirent
Correct your spelling
different
 types of international games, olimpic tournaments, cultural events, youth
exchages
Correct your spelling
exchanges
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. These events are aimed to appeal
as
Change preposition
to as
show examples
 many as tourists to the
country
 which helps to develop tourism in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. We can notice so many international music contexts in Europe and Asia. Cultural events
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 tourists find out different tastes in different regions which can help to
progress
 of marketing.
Due to
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 all these may not be enough for developing
countries
. Now the earth is face to face with the great problem
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Global warming. If any
country
 could appeal
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
 the
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 global problems and their solutions, those solutions can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the earth and economy of that
country
 as well. We should
beware
Replace the word
be aware of
show examples
 what
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 may bring to us, it is a lot
possibility
Change preposition
of possibility
show examples
 that during the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 progressive plans, the earth
would
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 destroyed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some cosmic reasons. In order to develop in so many fields, people and nature of all
countries
 should be prepared
future
Change preposition
for future
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by ilknurmammadova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction where you outline your viewpoint on the topic and briefly introduce the points you will discuss. This helps the reader understand the direction of your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
Make sure you directly address the prompt by discussing both views mentioned (the importance of economic progress vs. other forms of progress) before stating your own opinion. This will help you fully meet the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay into clear paragraphs for introduction, body (where each paragraph discusses a single main idea), and conclusion. This helps with the logical flow of your argument and makes your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' 'On the other hand') to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points where possible. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: