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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays there is a tendancy to relocate overseas for lucrative jobs.While a faction of people holds the notion that this movement is challanging (?)for juveniles, others argue that it is better for children.

#tendancy #jobs #faction #people #notion #movement #juveniles #children
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While
 a faction of
people
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 the notion that relocating
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas for employment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 is challenging for juveniles, others believe that it is beneficial for
children
.
This
 essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the latter view with relevant illustrations. First and foremost,
people
 against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relocation for employment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 claim that
this
 will
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
countinouation
Correct your spelling
continuation
of adolescents.
In other words
,
children
 would require more time
for
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to
show examples
adaptation
Replace the word
adapt
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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 school environment
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the learning ability of students.
For example
, students might have difficulties
to understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
 lessons in a different academic curriculum.
Besides
, juveniles might feel isolated since their family members and friends are geographically away.
As a result
, they might addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and computer games which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their cognitive development.
Nevertheless
, one of the obvious advantages for
children
 who
moved
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 to a different country with their parents is understanding and knowledge about various cultures. In detail,
migling
Correct your spelling
mingling
milling
 with different
origin
Fix the agreement mistake
origins
show examples
people
 will help them to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 a global perspective rather than
regional
Correct article usage
a regional
show examples
 view. For exemplify, relocating to a metropolitan city with a mixed culture will help juveniles to mingle with
people
 from various cultural
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
Moreover
, since
adolescent
Correct article usage
the adolescent
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 age is the brain development time, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 learn more languages
with
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by
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interaction
Replace the word
interacting
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 with
people
 from various countries. In conclusion, relocation
for
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from
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parent's
Correct article usage
a parent's
show examples
 job may affect
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 educational continuation and
congnitive
Correct your spelling
cognitive
 development. Ergo, I believe that
movement
Replace the word
moving
show examples
 to a different country will enable them
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 not only languages but
also
 cultures.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
Ensure all your main ideas are fully supported with explanations or illustrations. While your essay presents examples, further elaboration can solidify your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas. Transitions like 'on the other hand,' or 'furthermore,' can improve coherence.
language accuracy
Pay attention to misspellings and grammatical inaccuracies that could hinder understanding. Frequent proofreading can help minimize these mistakes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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