The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The
increase
amount number of obese Replace the word
increased
people
in the community nowadays is putting a
stress on the system of Correct article usage
apply
the
health care. Some Correct article usage
apply
people
believe that dealing with this
issue should be by adding more lessons regarding sports and physical education in the curriculum of the schools. I totally agree with this
statement for the following reasons.
The first reason is that when schools introduce more physical education lessons in their curriculum that means the students
' activity level will grow which, in turns
, will decrease the number of overweight Fix the agreement mistake
turn
people
in the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Besides
, if teachers force their puples
to Correct your spelling
pupils
purples
take
Verb problem
do
every day
exercise, that will decrease the health risks like Replace the word
everyday
diabets
, stroke, obesity, high blood pressure and so on. Correct your spelling
diabetes
For instance
, when students
play more and leave the sedentary lifestyle that will, in turn, assist them to be healthier.
The second reason is that the curriculum with a lot of activities and sports will oblige students
to have the habit of moving and exercising from their early life. Moreover
, if students
use this
trend from their early life that
will help them Correct pronoun usage
it
latter
on when they are going to be old Correct your spelling
later
to
have the same habit. Rephrase
enough to
This
, in turn, will lessen the stress and the strain on the health care system, as well as
, will decrease the people
who are obese.
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
To conclude
, as mentioned before, it is very crucial to teach students
sports from their early lives, in order to aid them having
Change preposition
in having
healthy
life until they grow and be old. Correct article usage
a healthy
Therefore
, I firmly agree with this
statement.Submitted by f201600285 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your opinion and outline your main arguments to enhance task response.
Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea followed by specific examples or evidence. This could include statistics, research findings, or detailed scenarios to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, aiding in coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise the essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to improve overall clarity and precision in expressing ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that ties back to the overall essay question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.