Many people aim to achieve balance between work and life, but only a few people achieve it. What problems will be caused by poor work-life balance? How can its negative impacts be prevented?

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Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
people
tend to
work
more
hours
than in the past affecting mainly their health and personal
relationship
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relationships
show examples
.
However
, there are some
solution
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solutions
show examples
that can
be apply
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be applied
show examples
in order to make a good
work
-
life
balance.
On
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One
show examples
of the main problems of intensive workload is healthy issues.
People
who
work
for many
hours
tend to
suffere
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suffer
from mental
desicess
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devices
such
as stress.
This
is because workers
does
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do
show examples
not have enough time to clear their mains or to relax. One of the main solutions is that companies must provide their employees with free fitness facilities.
For example
,
gym
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a gym
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club or
yoga
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a yoga
show examples
salon.
Subsecuently
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Subsequently
,
people
would feel relaxed and with more energy to back to
work
. Another problem that
unbalance
Wrong verb form
unbalanced
show examples
work
and
life
can face is
strain
Add an article
a strain
the strain
show examples
of personal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
and social
life
.
Long
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Long-hours
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hours
workers tend to desert from their social
life
affecting principally their lovers.
For example
, some parents do not spend enough time with their families.
This
can affect the worker lovers
specilly
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specifically
their soons
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
can develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative
behavour
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behaviour
as a consequence
of the lack of family coexistence. An
affective
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effective
show examples
solution can be that companies must offer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their workers more flexible
siffts
Correct your spelling
shifts
and
regulary
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regular
regularly
vacations.
This
would make
people
to spend more time at their houses and strengthen the family ties. In conclusion, working for many
hours
can make
workes
Correct your spelling
workers
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have an unbalance
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
work
and
life
however
this
can be solved
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
companies offer to their
emploeers
Correct your spelling
employers
employees
fitness facilities and flexible
work
siffts
Correct your spelling
shifts
.
Submitted by jasielglz40 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents ideas that are generally relevant to the prompt, but could benefit from more in-depth discussion. Try to delve deeper into why these issues occur and how the proposed solutions could effectively address them, providing more detailed justifications and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from closer attention to paragraph structuring and the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph contains one central idea and that all sentences within it clearly support that idea. This will enhance the coherence of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement and conclude with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your position. This will help frame your argument for the reader and solidify your stance on the topic.
Language Accuracy
There are several spelling and grammatical errors in your essay. Paying closer attention to spelling, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Consider using tools or references to help with proofreading.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve balance
  • heightened stress
  • physical health issues
  • mental health issues
  • decline in productivity
  • job satisfaction
  • overworked
  • personal relationships
  • social life
  • deteriorating
  • participation
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • personal goals
  • interests
  • challenging
  • personal development
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • recharge
  • clear boundaries
  • supportive work environment
  • prioritizes
  • employee wellness
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