Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
There are two prevailing perspectives towards
children
in Use synonyms
this
information era. Some people assert that individualism in Linking Words
children
is one of the results of allowing them to choose their own Use synonyms
desire
by themselves, Fix the agreement mistake
desires
while
others believe that brave Linking Words
children
can shape themselves when they can make their own decisions regarding their own problems. Use synonyms
This
essay will shed Linking Words
the
light on the issue and discuss both points of view.
On the one hand, proponents against individualism believe that allowing Correct article usage
apply
children
to make a decision Use synonyms
by
their own side is backward since Change preposition
on
children
’s mental state is still unstable. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
parents
should play a big role Use synonyms
during
the development of their Change preposition
in
children
. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
parents
give some Use synonyms
advices
or suggestions when their Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
children
desire to purchase a high-end smartphone by providing Use synonyms
with
a clear consideration of the benefits and the drawbacks. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, Linking Words
children
will not always think about themselves.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, leading Linking Words
children
to make their own Use synonyms
decision
is a must since it can allow them to think critically towards something. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
For example
, during the time when Linking Words
children
graduate from secondary school and plan to pursue higher education at university. Use synonyms
This
is a big deal for some Linking Words
children
since they sometimes have a conflict with their Use synonyms
parents
. Use synonyms
However
, their voice and consideration to choose the best thing for their future life based on their passion should be appreciated. Linking Words
Parents
should support Use synonyms
the
Change the word
their
children
and play their role as Use synonyms
an
Correct article usage
apply
advisor
. Fix the agreement mistake
advisors
As a result
, the trust between them will increase Linking Words
as well as
a strong connection within Linking Words
family
will be tightened.
Add an article
the family
a family
To sum up
, the creation of future Linking Words
generation
can be started as early as possible. Fix the agreement mistake
generations
By giving
Change preposition
Giving
a
trust towards Correct article usage
apply
children
to decide a crucial thing in their life is one of the ways to shape their bright future. I believe that Use synonyms
this
method can create Linking Words
children
with critical thinking and good analysis Use synonyms
on
every Change preposition
of
matters
.Change to a singular noun
matter
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but try to improve your paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph has a single clear main idea supported by examples. This will make your argument more easily understood and follow a more logical progression.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explicitly state your own opinion in your conclusion, tying it back to the discussion presented in your body paragraphs. This will strengthen your task achievement by making your stance clear and providing a succinct summary of the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of your text.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, thus improving task achievement. Try to include real-life cases or statistical evidence to make your points more compelling and grounded.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?