IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice?

It is common practice nowadays for many
people
Use synonyms
 ending high school to take
one
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year
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 of travelling or working before joining
post secondary
Add a hyphen
post-secondary
show examples
 studies.There are many reasons why now a lot of students take a break from studying after GED12, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will showcase a few of them. The
fist
Correct your spelling
first
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 reason why many
people
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 take a break from studying before going to
university
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 is that many Countries offer
one
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 of travel and
work
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permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
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.
This
Linking Words
 provides a good opportunity for international mobility and gives young
people
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 a great reason to
enbark
Correct your spelling
embark
 on a journey that can be rewarding as a personal growth experience, and an opportunity for professional insights on the ways of working abroad which might differ from their native land.
For example
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, many young
people
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 nowadays in Italy take advantage of the
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one
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
work
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 Visa for
people
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 under 30
years
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 of age to travel and
work
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 in Canada or Australia, which allows them to improve their
english
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English
show examples
 language skills and
withness
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witness
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 by first hand a different culture and approach to
work
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 mentality. Once back
to
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in
show examples
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
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 they can apply those skills, but they have a clear disadvantage in front of
people
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 who jumped directly from high school to
university
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, since employers in Italy
nowaadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 prefer hiring younger candidates with a bachelor's or a master's degree, preferring i.e. a 23
years
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 old graduate to a 24
years
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 old with the same degree,
thus
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 that
year
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 spent abroad might become a penalty against the competitors on the job market. Another reason why
people
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 take a sabbatical
year
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 from the books after high school lies behind a
study
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 fatigue accumulated during all those
years
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 behind a desk. Many
people
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 find out that a
year
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 of travelling recharges mental energy and gives a boost to the academic path once back.
While
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 recovering energies for
one
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year
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 might seem a great jumpstart for the
university
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, many discover,
instead
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, that
this
Linking Words
 causes a lack
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 interest in
study
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 or they might have lost the habit of studying properly. These two stances create more stress for the persons who join
university
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 later on, in front of those who
enroll
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enrol
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to
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on
show examples
university
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 immediately after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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secondary studies.
In
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For
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 instance, a great deal of
people
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 who
took
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
a
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year
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 of break from
the
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their
show examples
study
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 path
ends
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end
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 up dropping
university
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 after the first session,
due to
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 the fatigue
to adapt
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of adapting
show examples
 again to the
study
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 challenges.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
 might even consider
to
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apply
show examples
not joining the
university
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 at all, and
this
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 creates a disadvantage for entire Countries that invest a considerable amount of resources
on
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in
show examples
 higher education, expecting an elevated number of
high skilled
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high-skilled
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 graduates to help
boosting
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boost
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 the national economy. After these examples of disadvantages, it is evident now that choosing to travel or
work
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 after high
scool
Correct your spelling
school
 might seem a great chance
due to
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 the international mobility opportunities and
self care
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self-care
show examples
 advantages,
bot
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but
show examples
 the benefits of
this
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 practice hide consequences like being penalized
agains
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against
again
 younger degreed
people
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 or the lack of the needed focus to complete
university
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, so youngsters should really
weight
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weigh
show examples
 the advantages against the clear disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 practice
agains
Correct your spelling
against
 their personal and professional goals.

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Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. While the essay touches upon reasons and disadvantages, diving deeper into each point with more nuanced examples or analysis would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea broadly and then narrows down to specific details or examples. This will make your argument clearer and more comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Revise your essay structure to include a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising the conclusion to more distinctly reflect back on the arguments made in the body paragraphs, summarizing the main points briefly before stating your final opinion. This reinforces the purpose and coherence of your essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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