IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some companies encourage workers to be competitive, while others encourage teamwork. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some
companies
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 advise
employees
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 to become competitive,
while
Linking Words
 other
companies
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 inspire
teamwork
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. I personally believe that
while
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competition
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 fosters improvement in the individual
performance
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 of
employees
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,
teamwork
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 is more beneficial because it helps to improve the
overall
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performance
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 of a
company
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.
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Competition
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The competition
show examples
 encourages to improve the
performance
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 of
employees
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. When
employees
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 of a
company
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 have
competition
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 among themselves, it will motivate them to perform better and get promotions.
As a result
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,
competition
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 works as an incentive among
employees
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 to work hard and get rewards.
For example
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, Aron International, a famous multinational
company
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 in Bangladesh always inspires its
employees
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 to have a sense of
competition
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, which results in improving their solo
performance
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 and increasing their salaries.
However
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, I personally believe that encouraging
teamwork
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 is more beneficial because it helps to improve the
overall
Linking Words
performance
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 of a
company
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. If
companies
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 encourage
teamwork
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, it helps to improve the
overall
Linking Words
performance
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 of a
company
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.
Teamwork
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 fosters effective collaboration among the
employees
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, which helps to improve the productivity of the
company
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.
Teamwork
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 means setting the same goals for all, which offers improvement and advancement of a
company
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, and all
employees
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 can share the same achievements of the
company
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.
For example
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, in Australia, many
companies
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 inspire
teamwork
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 because it helps to improve the
performance
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 of the
company
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that
teamwork
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 is important because it helps to reach the same goals. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
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competition
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 helps to improve the individual
performance
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 of
employees
Use synonyms
 in a
company
Use synonyms
,
teamwork
Use synonyms
 helps to improve the
overall
Linking Words
performance
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 of a
company
Use synonyms
 and reach its goals.

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task achievement
Include a more detailed discussion of both sides of the argument to provide a comprehensive view. This will ensure a balanced approach is achieved.
coherence cohesion
Smoothly transition between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow throughout the essay. Use clear linking words or phrases to guide readers more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples and explanations to fortify the arguments presented, thereby demonstrating deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively set the stage for and summarize the discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents clear, relevant examples to support the points made regarding teamwork and competition.
task achievement
The essay covers the essential aspects of both competition and teamwork, offering a personal opinion that is logically tied back to the points discussed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive environment
  • Personal goals
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Toxic workplace culture
  • Collaboration
  • Creative solutions
  • Morale
  • Job satisfaction
  • Retention rates
  • Decision-making processes
  • Accountability
  • Balanced approach
  • Integrating
  • Striving for personal achievement
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