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Band 4

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offences
Lately, a large number of mishaps on the
street
 have
due
Add a missing verb
been due
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 to careless drivers. Today, many people feel that committing stricter punishment would be the reply to handling the driving offender issues, but I disagree it is the only means. First of all, even
the
Correct word choice
though the
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 rules are created and imposed; it will be useless if motorists do not have any shy in after the law. By way of instance, there are unpleasant punishments if we are driving
while
 drinking, but in fact, many road accidents brought on by drunk
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
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nevertheless
 exist.
Therefore
, the issue’s principal focus is about the consciousness of a motorist, not merely about punishment.
Additionally
,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 government might help improve the security on the
street
 by broadcasting the background understanding of just how significant it is to push sensibly. It might raise drivers’ awareness regarding the threat, which could happen because breaking easy coverage like the motorist might take somebody’s life without passing the traffic light.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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, the socialisation application is likely given in creating their driving permit card to guarantee each driver would obtain the info. Another possibility is that the program will switch off the car’s or bicycle’s machine if it is too near other transport modes or other items.
Hence
, among those
street
 accidents
such
 as a crash
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be avoided. In summary, tightening punishment is a fantastic concept, but I think there are still other unique ideas to raise security on the
street
.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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To improve task response, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. It's imperative to clearly state your position and provide a balanced argument with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Offer more nuanced insights to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the logical flow and connections between your ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, in addition, consequently) to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Also, make sure paragraphs are well-organized with a clear main idea each.
task achievement
Pay attention to clarity and specificity in your writing. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that examples directly support your arguments. Aim for precise language and detail when providing examples to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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