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Band 5.5

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’How far do you share this viewpoint?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity #’how
Every society should have a plan to help other human being who are not able to take care of themselves. Charities are there to look after others, but these organizations must financially be supplied;
therefore
, it
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is not an advisable and feasible idea to ask everybody to get involved and regularly allocate an amount of salary to support and foster the needy.
Firstly
, helping out charities is not an obligation.
This
 regulation of donation could be felt as a heavy responsibility on people’s shoulders, and
this
 burden will not allow them to plan their money on their own. Normally, the government should take action for the needs of its country, not use charities as leverage.
For example
, the earned money could be used for investment or be saved as the person who worked hard desires.
Secondly
, using a fixed amount of income for
this
 organization could seen as a steal. Poors should be supplied by the government.
Otherwise
, the nation would carry the burden of social and financial, which over the long period could weaken the strength of the country. As could be seen in some areas of Africa. There are indeed some positives to
this
 donation, most notably the major help to the charity through
this
 regulation, and helping the society to unite the people. Despite
this
, it seems that for everybody,
this
 joint of people together and helping out others
are
Change the verb form
is
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 outweighed by issues which can cause a sense of extra pressure
to
Change preposition
on
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. In conclusion, the feeling of overload and robbery combine to make these fixed donations challenging and potentially difficult time for the family and money.
This
 is not to say that all the donations are going to be horrible and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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wasted, but it appears to be the case very frequently.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with a clearer introduction of the topic, body paragraphs each addressing specific points, and a summarised conclusion. Ensure the introduction and conclusion are distinct and directly address the essay question.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. This makes your essay more persuasive and engaging. It would also help in illustrating your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This enhances readability and coherence. Additionally, work on paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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