IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Giving detailed descriptions of crimes in newspapers and on television can have had bad consequences, so information of this kind in the media should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#descriptions #crimes #newspapers #television #consequences #information #media
Nowadays, in newspapers and on TV, describing
crime
 actions specifically is becoming more popular but
this
 may have numerous negatives. I partially believe that the presentation of
crime
 should be limited.
To begin
, there is a strong linkage between television, newspapers and individuals.
While
 showing a variety of
crime
 details, humans can acquire more and can be aware of lawbreaking in society. To illustrate
this
, when people are faced with a circumstance which is banned by the constitution, they consider about result as
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more responsibility.
As a result
, it leads to enhancing the quality of lifestyle and feeling of obligation to the country. I,
on the other hand
, believe that the description of
crime
 does not necessarily guarantee more profit. As a matter of fact, it can be detrimental to youngsters who are not mature enough to judge what is suitable and proper within society, they may copy these types of bad circumstances.
For example
, when it comes to people`s behaviours, it is precisely true that humans have more tendency to do new things which are described on social media and it affects their character in a bad way.
In contrast
, if mass media show other prodigies
instead
 of showing content which is related to
crime
, youngsters may follow charismatic individuals` footsteps who have left indelible marks on their lives and they can acquire how to be real successful humans.
In addition
, if the explanation of
crime
 affects
children`
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 lives in a negative light, we
do not should
Remove the verb
should not
show examples
 overlook it because one of the predominant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 a country`s future prosperity really depends on them.
To conclude
, though showing action
crime
 on mass media can sometimes help improve the awareness of people, it is often counterproductive seeing to young generations` behaviours.
Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on

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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but you could Enhance task achievement by providing more specific examples that directly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically and clearly by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should represent a single main idea with supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use transition words and phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
To fully address the task, make sure you develop your arguments fully with specific examples and explanations for both sides of the argument, ensuring a balanced and comprehensive approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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