IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims in life is mostly a question of luck? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that some people think that achieving their aims in
life
Use synonyms
 needs some
luck
Use synonyms
 and others think
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 .In my point of view, I totally disagree with the statement in spite of two reasons
such
Linking Words
 as hard
work
Use synonyms
 and
support
Use synonyms
 from others.In the next paragraph,I will discuss the reasons in detail.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,for an individual to become a successful person needs a lot of hard
work
Use synonyms
 and sacrifice because there is nothing in
this
Linking Words
 world
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 free,in
this
Linking Words
 modern era,individuals need to
work
Use synonyms
 to provide needs for their families and themselves.
For example
Linking Words
,students need to study in order to pass an exam and they cannot based on their
luck
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
pass an exam.Next,
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
support
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a significant part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 helping a person to achieve their goals in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,moral
support
Use synonyms
 from their loved ones can help them to feel motivated and boost one's self-esteem.
Therefore
Linking Words
,I believe that with many efforts and
battle
Fix the agreement mistake
battles
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
 surely every individual can increase
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy.
In addition
Linking Words
,financial
support
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 will help ease a person's
life
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,it is debated for people to think that using their
luck
Use synonyms
 to achieve
somethings
Fix the agreement mistake
something
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 just their goal but
also
Linking Words
 a happy
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,a newborn baby with a healthy body is luckier compared to other babies with bad conditions of health. In conclusion,in order for humans to reach for the greater
life
Use synonyms
,they need to start with hard
work
Use synonyms
 and determination.
Although
Linking Words
 some
luck
Use synonyms
 might be helpful for some occasions.In my opinion,I strongly disagree with the statement.

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay covers all parts of the question comprehensively. Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations to clearly show how they support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your essay's coherence by ensuring that your ideas are logically ordered and clearly connected. Use a range of linking devices to show relationships between ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make your essay more cohesive by revisiting your topic sentences to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea of each paragraph. Consolidate your ideas by referring back to them in the conclusion, and consider using synonyms to avoid repetition.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your viewpoint and summarize the main reasons supporting it. This strengthens your essay’s persuasive power and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aims
  • determination
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • effort
  • planning
  • unpredictability
  • innovation
  • perseverance
  • perception
  • sustainability
  • adaptation
  • networking
  • initiative
  • random chance
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