Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In modern society, it is becoming more popular to heal
illness
with alternative medical methods Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
instead
of visiting their usual doctors
. And I think that this
practice will have negative effects on a human's body.
First of all, health is one of the most costly things that humans have. So, it will be a huge mistake to take health problems not
seriously.
Because there are a lot of different types of illness now, and without professional knowledge, Rephrase
apply
this
problem might pose more danger to life than in the first stage of illness. Another danger is the risk of terrible consequences of alternative medical ways. It actually might be a big problem because of unknowledge
of their ill type or side effects of preparation. Correct article usage
the unknowledge
For example
,
However
, not all populations can afford to visit doctors
on an ongoing basis. That's because attending good doctors
is usually expensive. But, in our generation, it is more and more popular to use next-gen alternatives in a range of all spheres, including medicine. I think in the future it would be an actually good alternative to visit doctors
. If, for example
, robot doctors
will be generated. This
will be a sensational innovation, and people could save time and money in the long term. For example
, a film called Beymax showed a medical robot that was created by humans and named Baymax. Further
, in the movie Beymax, he was healing a little brother of the creator by using any type of high-technology medicine all in one
robot.
Add a hyphen
all-in-one
Overall
, it is more sensitive to visiting doctors
than using any alternatives. However
, it might be a very costly thing to acquire for these kinds of people, but in the future, there could be better alternatives to doctors
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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clarity
To improve clarity, make sure each paragraph develops a single main idea and avoid jumping between ideas. For instance, discussing the movie 'Beymax' in a paragraph that should focus on the cost of doctors might confuse readers.
relevant-specific-examples
Use specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, mention specific types of alternative medicine and their effects rather than generalizing.
coherence-cohesion
Conclude each paragraph with a brief summary or wrap-up sentence to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task-achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and provides arguments to support it. You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader.
relevant-specific-examples
Your use of examples, like the movie 'Beymax', enriches your essay and makes it engaging, despite needing a bit more alignment with the main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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