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Writing Samples
Band 6

The maps below shows an industrial area in the town of norbiton, and planned future development of the site

The maps below shows an industrial area in the town of norbiton, and planned future development of the site
#maps #area #town #norbiton #future #development #site
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The maps illustrate the blueprint of an
indutrial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 in
town
Add an article
the town
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 of Norbiton .There are two
picures
Correct your spelling
pictures
displays
Wrong verb form
displayed
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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above one is
current
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the current
a current
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 blueprint of Norbito
industrial
Capitalize word
Industrial
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 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 is
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 planned development blueprint. As seen from the
map
Use synonyms
,the developers planned to demolish all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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eight factories in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
,they are planning to
built
Change the verb
build
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 new facilities.On the south
side
Use synonyms
 of the
map
Use synonyms
,two
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 will be built
such
Linking Words
 as shops on the left and the medical
centra
Correct your spelling
centre
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 on the right
side
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 on the east
side
Use synonyms
 of the
map
Use synonyms
 will be replaced by new houses,
playground
Correct article usage
a playground
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 for the kids and
school
Correct article usage
a school
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.There are
also
Linking Words
 new upgrades on transportation
pathway
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pathways
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 like
new
Correct article usage
a new
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road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
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 added across the river for the
convienence
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convenience
 of the residents.
Finally
Linking Words
, the farmland will be relocated to the
north east
Correct your spelling
northeast
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side
Use synonyms
 of the
map
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 new housing and road pathway development.
Overall
Linking Words
,the town of Norbiton will be
fulled
Replace the word
full
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 of residents
instead
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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factory workers in the future time.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words map, side with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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