IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely seperate from social life.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have been discoursing about work-
life
Use synonyms
 balance, some are in favour of spending leisure with co-workers
while
Linking Words
 others consider maintaining a distance in social
life
Use synonyms
. On the one hand side, strong ties among the workforce lead to massive productivity. Spending
time
Use synonyms
 with colleagues enables
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 understand each other closely. When collaboration happens not only do
people
Use synonyms
 discourse about professional activities but
also
Linking Words
 get
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to know each other's hobbies, struggles, problems, and solutions.
For example
Linking Words
, during working hours it might not
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
show examples
 to talk much about personal
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, during free
time
Use synonyms
 one-to-one conversation leads to healthy relationships, and employees
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 each other to overcome problems in personal
life
Use synonyms
 and focus on career goals.
Hence
Linking Words
, both employees and
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 are
beneficiary
Change the noun form
beneficiaries
show examples
 of networking with colleagues both within and out of the workplace. On the other side, It is mandatory to take personal
life
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration. Since friends and family are the essentials of
life
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 must care about these relationships.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sports and exercises play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role in better well-being.
For example
Linking Words
, if proper
time
Use synonyms
 and care
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not provided to families there could be disastrous outcomes like autism in children, divorces between spouses, and misunderstandings among friends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, physical and mental fitness is even more important and
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 regular
time
Use synonyms
. As a matter of
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 brisk
walk
Replace the word
walking
show examples
, jogging, or running can unwind
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should take care of their loved ones give
time
Use synonyms
 to them as much as possible. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 with colleagues results in achieving professional goals, it ends up in poor friend and family relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
In your introduction, briefly outline the opposing viewpoints and state your essay's focus more clearly. This sets up a stronger foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that directly relate to the argument. Ensure every paragraph contributes to your overall position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs, ensuring a more fluid progression of arguments.
Task Achievement
Consider presenting specific, concrete examples to support your arguments. This enhances your essay by providing evidence that strengthens your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score, ensure that your conclusion encapsulates your discussion's essence more decisively, clarifying your stance on the issue based on the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • supportive work environment
  • personal growth
  • diverse perspectives
  • conflicts of interest
  • professional boundaries
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • innovation
  • collaborative projects
  • hierarchy
  • authority
  • nuanced decision
  • social and cultural expectations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: