IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows requests for information at a tourist office in the United Kingdom from January to June.

The chart shows requests for information at a tourist office in the United Kingdom from January to June.
#requests #information #tourist #office #kingdom #january #june
The line graph illustrates
requests
 for data at a tourist office in the UK from
January
 to
June
.
Overall
, in
January
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add a comma
person,
show examples
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
information
requests
 were the lowest,
whereas
, in
June
requests
 for
information
 in
person
 were the highest. As can clearly be seen, originally the
requests
 by
letter
/
email
 were a little less than 800,
however
, from
January
 to March the number of
requests
 gradually decreased and in March, the number of
requests
 by
letter
/
email
 was 700. From March to May the
requests
 by
letter
/
email
 declined rapidly and in May, the number of
requests
 by
letter
/
email
 was roughly 380. From May to
June
 the
requests
 remained unchanged.
Initially
,
requests
 for data by telephone were the highest accounting for 900, meanwhile,
requests
 for
information
 in
person
 were the lowest at a little more than 400. From
January
 to February the figure of
requests
 by telephone dropped,
however
, over time the figure of
requests
 started to increase and in
June
requests
 by telephone reached its peak at 1600. From
January
 to
June
requests
 in
person
 rose and in
June
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak at 1900. In
June
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
person
requests
 were the highest accounting for 1900,
while
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
letter
/
email
information
requests
 were the lowest accounting for approximately 380.
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words requests, january, june, person, information, letter, email with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: