There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Children today face a lot of pressure to do well academically.
Consequences
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Consequently
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,
due to
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children
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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more
academic
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on academic
show examples
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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, some
people
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prefer to reduce non-academic
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
from
school
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the school
show examples
syllabus.
However
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some
people
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argue that studying non-academic
subjects
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is wasting time in schooling period, I believe that that it is vital
educating
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education
show examples
for young
people
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.
This
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essay will first discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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if kids study without non-academic
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, how it would
be affect
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affect
show examples
them,
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secondly
Correct word choice
and secondly
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will introduce
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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of non-academic
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. What will happen, If young
people
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take only nonacademic
subjects
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in school? In my opinion, there might be some achievements which
is
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are
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good
engineer
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engineers
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or
scientist
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scientists
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, despite there are lot of
people
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will grow up who
is
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apply
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struggling
stress
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with stress
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, no survival
skill
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skills
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,
no
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and no
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humanity.
In recently
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Recently
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many scientist proof that "If someone
want
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wants
show examples
to succeed, not only IQ (Intelligence
quotient
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) but
also
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EQ (Emotional
quotient
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), AQ (Adaptability
quotient
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), and SQ (Social
quotient
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) is needed them".
Moreover
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, we can gain EQ by academic
subjects
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,
whereas
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we will lose other
ability
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abilities
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without non-academic
subjects
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.
For instance
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,
Replace the word
physics
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physic
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physics
show examples
activity teaches us patience,
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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decision making
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decision-making
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skill
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skills
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, mobility, and resilience
as well as
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Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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help
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helps
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Correct pronoun usage
us to
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to
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us to
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be
Correct article usage
a healthy
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healthy
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a healthy
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body.
On the other hand
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, we learn AQ from daily life
activity
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activities
show examples
such
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cooking
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as cooking
show examples
, cleaning, netting and so on. In conclusion, everyone won't be
scientist
Correct article usage
a scientist
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, engineer or teacher
compulsory
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apply
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, but it is vital everyone who has good mental and physical health,
charity
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to charity
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. As a parent, it is our main duty to bring up
healthy
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a healthy
the healthy
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child
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children
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in
future
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a future
the future
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society,
therefore
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we should support
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
input
nonacademic
Change preposition
of nonacademic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the school syllabus more and more.
Submitted by ariunnyam on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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