New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Technologies
have been ever-changing in the 21st century, and
children
use new
technologies
in their leisure
time
more often than in the past. I believe that the disadvantages
outwigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the
advantages
in
this
situation. Relaxing and getting
excitement
Replace the word
excited
show examples
can exemplify the
advantages
of
this
change.
Children
treat
Verb problem
are
show examples
using new
technologies
,
such
as metaverse and video games, as their sources of relaxation. After a whole day of lessons and finishing homework, they can
finally
relax their minds from academics when they are immersed in a virtual world. Other than that, getting
excitement
from victory using those
technologies
compensates
Change preposition
for their
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
failure experienced in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
real life. In order to get people interested, if not addicted to their games, game designers utilise psychological concepts to provide sweet tokens of winning, and players spend more
time
to challenge
Change the verb form
challenging
show examples
themselves with those
technologies
.
To sum up
,
children
relieving their pressure and feeling excited are merits of using new
technologies
in their spare
time
. Unfortunately, the demerits are detrimental. Over-reliance on electronic devices and having worse physical and mental
health
are some disadvantages. As
children
are hooked on the feeling of relaxation and
excitement
, they cling to use the new
technologies
and would not let go.
However
, they neglect the negative influence of gradually being less resilient. It may be difficult for
children
to accept their real-life limitations, and their problem-solving ability will be lowered because they are used to being successful in their simulated world.
Furthermore
,
children
would actually end up having worse physical and mental
health
. When the rare free
time
finally
arrives and they are still sticking to their devices, they would not end up feeling relaxed, but more tired because of the
bluelight
Correct your spelling
blue light
. They will get so stimulated that it is hard to go to sleep.
Also
, research suggests that
children
using too many
technologies
have shorter attention spans compared to their counterparts. They may need extra effort in order to reverse the situation. In short, the demerits of relying too much on new
technologies
and having poor physical and mental
health
outweigh the
advantages
identified.
To conclude
, I believe that the disadvantages of
children
incorporating new
technologies
in their free
time
outweigh the
advantages
. The long-term
health
of
children
is crucial and should be protected. There are a lot of ways to achieve relaxation and getting
excitement
and parents and
children
should spare no
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
in discovering them.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Ensure to present a balanced view if the essay question requires a discussion on both advantages and disadvantages, but make your stance clear, as you did.
task response
Support your arguments with more specific examples or data to strengthen your point of view and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain clear and logical organization throughout your essay. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Inappropriate content
  • Self-learning
  • Screen time
  • Social inequality
  • Enhanced communication
  • Creative expression
  • Educational resources
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