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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables show the populations of eight capital and eight provincial cities in 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables show the populations of eight capital and eight provincial cities in 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#tables #show #populations #eight #cities #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart provides information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of people in rural and urban areas in the year 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of different nationalities lived in the city
while
Linking Words
 only a small fraction of people lived in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 99% of Chinese citizens were living
urban
Change preposition
in urban
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 areas in the year 1999,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was the highest proportion among other nationalities. It was followed by New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
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, British, and Dutch with 90%, 89%, and 83%, respectively. Meanwhile, only 80% of Australians preferred city life, the lowest percentage in all.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the difference
of
Change preposition
between
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 people living in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 was evidently low. The
number
Use synonyms
 of Australians that were living in the urban area was 20%, the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in
regional
Add an article
a regional
the regional
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 area. With regards to Dutch, British, and New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
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, it only ranged from 10 to 17%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the remaining 1% of Chinese was situated in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • capital cities
  • provincial cities
  • figure
  • highest
  • lowest
  • disparity
  • regional distribution
  • trends
  • patterns
  • implications
  • population distribution
  • summarize
  • analyze
  • compare
  • conclude
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