IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think professionals should be required to work in the country where they trained. Some people think they should be free to go anywhere. Discuss both views and give your stance.

#people #professionals #work #country #stance
Whether
professionals
 should be required to
work
 in the
country
 where they trained has been a debate recently. I will first discuss both views, followed by supporting that
professionals
 should have the freedom to go anywhere. The public may feel assured, because of the high abilities and familiarity
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the culture of
professionals
 when they
stayed
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 at the place
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
trained
Add a missing verb
are trained
show examples
. Generally, people have a preference towards
professionals
 who studied and trained in the same
country
 or place when they need consultations. They think they are more familiar with the education in their own
country
 and have more confidence towards those experts.
Furthermore
, as
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 may take up to 4 to 5 years, the
professionals
 have been immersed in that culture, and they size up situations much quicker than newcomers. Thinking from the perspectives of the general public,
professionals
 working in the
country
,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they were trained seem better. Approaching the issue from the
professionals
’ point of view, freedom should be given for their own career goals as to where they
work
 because it is a personal choice. It is unsound to limit experts to a specific place, as long as they
fulfilled
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
 all requirements to be qualified
professionals
 in their desired places. Take doctors in Hong Kong as an example, qualified doctors from other places may not be regarded as qualified and have to pass certain exams in Hong Kong. Once they pass the exams, they are welcome to
work
 here. I believe that
professionals
, as they are named, are wise enough to have considered numerous merits and demerits of staying or leaving a
country
 for
work
. Factors like the weather, economy, and culture are all important considerations. They should be given
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
 so that they keep their passion
while
 working. In case talents are forecasted to fall short, the women can consider different schemes to attract foreign talents. For now, let us all give the
professionals
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to decide their own future.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve your task achievement score, it's essential to ensure that both viewpoints are discussed with equal depth and detail. Additionally, providing specific examples drawn from real-world scenarios or case studies would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on enhancing the connectivity between your ideas. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help achieve smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Furthermore, organizing paragraphs in a manner that each begins with a clear topic sentence will better guide the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: