Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Issues related to the
developement
Correct your spelling
development
in
children are frequently discussed these days. It is argued that playing computer Change preposition
of
games
are
less beneficial for kids's improvement than outdoor activities. I partially agree with Change the verb form
is
this
assertion and this
essay will provide futher exlpanations
and examples to support my viewpoint.
On the one hand, the Correct your spelling
further explanations
fist
reason to consider is that outdoor activities require numerous physical Correct your spelling
first
skills
than focusing on console games
. In other words
, trekking, hiking or even sport
Change the noun form
sports
games
need coordination between physical and mental abilities but the majority Change preposition
of condition
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
belongs
to physiological talents. Descendants who are Correct subject-verb agreement
belong
the
big Correct article usage
apply
fan
of adventure exercises tend to have better sanity or Fix the agreement mistake
fans
figure
than Fix the agreement mistake
figures
who
are not. Correct pronoun usage
those who
For instance
, research has shown that 75 percent
of people spending their time in open-air recreation Change the spelling
per cent
also
have healthy
mind and statuesque shape.
Add an article
a healthy
On the other hand
, the main point of this
view is that online games
these days help improve several skills
that can be the
important talents in the future. To explain, kids who are surrounded by both online and offline Correct article usage
apply
game
may have Fix the agreement mistake
games
greater
decision, teamworking, Add an article
a greater
the greater
Correct word choice
and stretegy
stretegy
Correct your spelling
strategy
skills
than people who seldom play games
. For Example
, there is evidence to suggest that 60 percent
of children who are Change the spelling
per cent
the
game experts or pro players own stronger Correct article usage
apply
leader ship
talents or problem-solving Correct your spelling
leadership
skills
than who
are not.
All things considered, I am of the opinion that both indoor and outdoor hobbies comprehensively involve Correct pronoun usage
those who
in
several Change preposition
apply
advantage
including mental and physical Change to a plural noun
advantages
asepects
. Correct your spelling
aspects
However
, we should find the right balance betweenSubmitted by nine318 on
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coherence cohesion
Introduction & conclusion: Ensure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that introduces the topic and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Your essay lacks a clear conclusion, affecting its overall cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure: Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be supported by examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Supported main points: While you provide examples to support your argument, aim to develop these further with more detailed explanation or additional evidence.
task achievement
Complete response: Make sure to fully address the prompt, including stating your opinion clearly and developing your argument fully with appropriate supporting details. Your essay does not clearly conclude, leaving the argument partially unresolved.
task achievement
Clear, comprehensive ideas: Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader, and ensure each paragraph has a clear point that contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Relevant, specific examples: Your essay benefits from the use of examples, but these could be further enhanced by providing more detail or demonstrating how they directly support your point.