‘The best way to educate children is by using the Internet in every lesson.’ To what extent do you share this opinion? What other ways are there of making lessons effective for children?

There is an argument that says, the most effective way to teach children is by
utillizing
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utilising
internet
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the internet
show examples
to access learning materials in every
subjects
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subject
show examples
. I personally agree with that statement because there are so many free education
contents
that
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apply
show examples
scattered on the
internet
,
however
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however,
show examples
there
is
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are
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
methods that are
also
as effective as the
internet
to teach
childern
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children
. It is obvious that nowadays
many
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much
show examples
free
education
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educational
show examples
contents
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content
show examples
are
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is
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available on the
internet
.
Moreover
, some of those
contents
are
also
published by top-notch universities.
For instance
, Harvard University released several of their
lecturers
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lecturer's
lecturers'
show examples
teaching materials on
the
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apply
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digital learning platforms
such
as Coursera and Udemy for free, ranging from faculty of arts to engineering.
As a result
, pupils could gain sufficient knowledge in almost every
subjects
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subject
show examples
without enrolling
to
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on
show examples
that university, they just need to swipe their
fingertip
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fingertips
show examples
to access those learning materials.
In
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On
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the other hand, learning from older generations
are
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is
show examples
also
proven to be an effective way for
childern
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children
to get valuable lessons. The primary
reasons
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reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
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this
is because
eldery
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elderly
people have more
experiences
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experience
show examples
rather than children.
As a result
, they could become
mentor
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a mentor
show examples
for younger generations.
Beside of
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Besides
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that, hands-on experiences are
also
effective
to teach
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in teaching
show examples
students. It is because
during
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, during
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real practice, students could learn faster
instead
only
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of only
show examples
reading about theory
on
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in
show examples
their books.
For example
, every Junior High School
students
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student
show examples
in Indonesia nowadays
have
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has
show examples
their own dedicated teacher
that
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who
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serve
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serves
show examples
as their advisor
about
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in
show examples
practical
class
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classes
show examples
. In conclusion, even though I personally acknowledge that the
Internet
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
flooded with free
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, learning from older generations and practical experiences are
also
effective
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
methods to teach children.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows logically from the introduction to conclusion. Try using more cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'On the contrary' to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop a more nuanced argument by considering more thoroughly the potential drawbacks of relying solely on the internet for education, as well as how your suggestions for other methods could be integrated more effectively.
Language
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure that each sentence clearly conveys your point. Additionally, be mindful of the word choice to maintain academic tone throughout your essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • abundant source,
  • multimedia resources
  • reliance
  • misleading information
  • tactile learning
  • hands-on activities
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive group activities
  • physical activity
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • child development
  • educational technology
  • interactive whiteboards
  • educational apps
  • virtual reality
  • digital literacy
  • credible sources
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