IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem in our time is the loss of particular species of animals and plants.Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #animals #plants
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It is often considered that a few individuals reckon that the loss of particular species of
animals
Use synonyms
 and plants
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the main environmental
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problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.
Whereas
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, many believe that there are some more important environmental issues. In my, an inclined, there are more important environmental
problems
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on both notions which
further
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 leads to a logical
conlclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
.
Commencing
Verb problem
apply
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, the loss of
animals
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 and herbs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the main
Use synonyms
nature's
Change noun form
nature
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 issue which leads
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 imbalance of
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
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as well as
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 wild forests.
However
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, there are lifecycles of manyfold species or plants, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 connected to each other, and if
anyone
Correct your spelling
any
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 of them
get
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gets
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 disturbed,
then
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 the whole lifecycle will be affected and
as a consequence
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 of
this
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, disaster will occur.
For instance
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, a scientist from Japan, reveals the disadvantages of
Correct article usage
the distruption
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distruption
Correct your spelling
disruption
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
's goods and if someone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 so
then
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 mishappening can
occure
Correct your spelling
occur
 like
earthquake
Add an article
an earthquake
show examples
. Probing ahead, the trees and
animals
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 are not only factors which give adverse effects to our
nature
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 but there are some other
problems
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also
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. First and foremost, there are many industries that are manufacturing various kinds of products but
Linking Words
Change preposition
in
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end, they release rubbish which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 unfavourable for the environment.
Moreover
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, the contemporary era includes a number of vehicles which produce detrimental gases which is not safe for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
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along with
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 homosapians.
For example
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, the manufacturing factories induce harmful waste materials and it is thrown openly which is not good for the roaming cows as they
ate
Wrong verb form
eat
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 which leads them to
be died
Change to the active voice
die
have died
show examples
. In a nutshell, the environmental issues do not
focused
Change the verb form
focus
show examples
 only
plants
Change preposition
on plants
show examples
 and wild species rather
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
consists
Change the verb form
consist
show examples
 of additional
problems
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.
Instead
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 of
concerntrating
Correct your spelling
concentrating
 on
megafauanas
Correct your spelling
megafauna
 and floras, they should
also
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 watch out
other
Change preposition
for other
show examples
 big issues which
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
's to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
disbalanced
Correct your spelling
imbalanced
.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you clearly understand both sides of the argument. Your essay could benefit from a more detailed explanation of why some might consider the loss of species the main environmental problem and further exploration of other environmental issues.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve clarity and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically. Start paragraphs with clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned a scientist from Japan and industrial pollution, further detail or additional examples could strengthen yourargument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve your transition between paragraphs for better flow. Use phrases like 'on the other hand,' or 'furthermore' to clearly distinguish contrasting ideas or to add information.
General
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your argument. Consider using tools or resources to polish your writing.
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