Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few month of year),for they have time to do other things.Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Temporary
jobs
are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable by some individuals as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
them
enough
Change preposition
with enough
show examples
time
to do other activities.
Although
they have both advantages and disadvantages, I personally support that
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
advantages definitely outweigh the cons. Perhaps the most compelling reason is why
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
jobs
have more facilities because of its supportive hand.Unlike many permanent
jobs
,they do not require more qualifications for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recruitment.
As a result
, people should easily join these types of services.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
for example
-the people who are suffering from
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
crisis,the early getting
jobs
are
Verb problem
early is
show examples
the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
their life.Another benefit of doing temporary
jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
having enough free
time
that's why creating quality memories with family members is relatively
easy
Replace the word
easier
show examples
than more pressurized permanent
jobs
.
Additionally
, it is
also
beneficial for the students, because they are able to income without any detrimental effect on their regular studies.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
a consequence, parents have less burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their livelihood.
Furthermore
, performing
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
offers
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beginners to gather more experience. As they have a chance to move one
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
to another easily. It is a path which may lead them
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
bright future by
sitting
Correct your spelling
setting
show examples
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
high profession. So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think it’s
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
such
kind of opportunity to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
themselves and
also
making self
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
dependent.
On the other hand
,there are some drawbacks of temporary
jobs
.Yet it is not long-lasting,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
will not secure your job.The company can remove the employees
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
their simple
fault
Fix the agreement mistake
faults
show examples
.
Secondly
, these
jobs
will
noy
Correct your spelling
not
pay a handsome salary which may lead them
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
comfortable life zone.
Finally
, They
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
various arduous tasks, but their payment is not high. In conclusion,despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having many problems in the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
jobs
, the benefits are not undeniable. As it is suitable for ages and
having
Change the form of the verb
has
show examples
no limitations. So,for
Add a comma
someone,
show examples
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
it is a way of life.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas with more detailed examples and ensuring that these examples are directly linked to the main points you're discussing. This will enhance the relevance and depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making your essay more readable by breaking it into clearer paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed and supported. This would benefit your essay’s coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the task. State your opinion more clearly in the introduction to provide a roadmap for the reader and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your view.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. Varying your sentence structures and carefully checking for grammatical errors will enhance the clarity and professional tone of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: