IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others arque that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #arque #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
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Some people say that teenagers should
work
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 part-time and earn money. On the one
hand
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hand,
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 it is
really
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a really
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 good point of view
,
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apply
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 because students will learn basic lessons about
work
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 and become more disciplined. But In my
opinion
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 the most important for
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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while
Linking Words
 they study
in
Change preposition
at
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university
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 is to concentrate only on the educational process, because you
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a lot of time
for
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on
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 your part-time
job
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 that's why you can't do your
hometask
Correct your spelling
homework
for
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at
show examples
University
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. Another moment, it's very important to rest after
university
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 activities, because if you are tired you can't
studying
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study
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 well. In these
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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case
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case,
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 I agree with
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opinion
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the opinion
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 of people saying
about
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apply
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teenagers that shouldn't
sacrify
Correct your spelling
sacrifice
 their rest and
after
Add a hyphen
after-university
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university
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 activities to
work
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if students have enough time to
work
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 of course they should
work
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. In my
opinion
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 working experience will help students in the future life. It’s
very
Add an article
a very
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 important aspect when you're looking for a
job
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,
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apply
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 because if you don’t have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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working experience you won’t be able to get a
job
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. In conclusion, I would like to say that in my
opinion
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, every student should choose for themselves whether they need a
part
Correct your spelling
part-time
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job
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 or not, because they have their own opinions and rights. If a student
have
Change the verb form
has
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 enough free time, of course he can
work
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, because it's very important
while
Linking Words
 you study and live alone to earn your own money for
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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 living process, to buy everything that you want,
however
Linking Words
 in my
opinion
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 your
work
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be to the detriment of studies.
Submitted by viktoria.popova92 on

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Introduction
Develop a clear introduction that explicitly states the essay topic and your standpoint. Starting with 'Some people say' immediately introduces others' viewpoints but doesn't establish your thesis clearly.
Paragraphing and Structure
Work on paragraph structure. While you've attempted to discuss both views and your opinion, blending them together rather than separating them into clear, distinct paragraphs makes your essay lack coherence. One idea per paragraph is a good rule.
Supporting Examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your points. Your arguments about the importance of rest and real-life working experience would be strengthened by real-life scenarios or statistics.
Conclusion
Concluding, make it a point to summarize your discussion succinctly, reiterating your viewpoint clearly rather than introducing new ideas.
Task Response
Ensure your standpoint throughout the essay is consistent. While discussing various perspectives, it's crucial that your own viewpoint remains clear and unambiguous to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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