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Band 7.5

Today's school should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people hold the belief that teachers are responsible for learning pupil financial techniques in order to put their best in their daily lives and specifically in their future careers. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, and I believe that teaching students how to do their own financial
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 can have a great impact on their career path. First and foremost, unfortunately education systems in all around the world are focusing on topics like science, history, and simplified math more than they should. It is great to raise kids who know educational studies which can help them to choose a great job,
however
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, no one can guarantee that they will be successful in that chosen field if they do not have a clue how to manage their money and loans. In order to prevent
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 problem from happening we must teach them these techniques in the early years. Other than that, in todays economy, spending your money wisely and knowing how to
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 with banks
as well as
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 financial management, requires skills which can only be reached through practical financial skills.
Furthermore
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, knowing these skills and using them properly, will eventually lead them to build a better business, or even doing well when it comes to financial
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 in daily life.
Moreover
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, now it is noticeable that a variety of folks tend to choose the wrong fields to
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 in
due to
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 their lack of knowledge in
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 significant field of study, which can cause disappointment and change careers. In
this
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 case, the easiest and most convenient way is to teach them in schools.
To sum up
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, I think that schools have to focus more on teaching students how to manage their money and set up some classes per week for
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 important topic. With
this
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 tiny change in everyday learning through institutions, our children would not get in trouble and it can
also
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 prevent them from falling for scams.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try using varied sentence structures and paragraphing to make your essay more engaging. This will also help in organizing your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Enhance your essay by including more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded in real-world evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, consider planning your essay with a clear outline before writing. This includes a distinct introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion summarizing your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your task achievement score, make sure every paragraph directly contributes to addressing the essay prompt. This includes directly relating each point back to the central argument on the importance of financial education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • modern economy
  • student debt
  • mitigate
  • practical financial skills
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • income inequality
  • psychological benefits
  • financial security
  • traditional education
  • financial independence
  • technology
  • personal finance management
  • global perspective
  • entrepreneurship
  • curriculum
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