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Band 5.5

Nowadays men’s sports are given far more attention by society compared to women’s sports.. What are the reasons for that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#men’s #sports #attention #society #women’s #development
It is common nowadays that people are more excited about
men
's
sports
 as compared to
women
's competition. There are numerous reasons for
this
 situation which I would discuss in the upcoming paragraphs. I believe
this
 is a negative development as we have to appreciate both male female friends equally. I believe there are numerous reasons for why people prefer to watch
sports
 related to males.
Firstly
, it is common that the matches are very interesting when two male cricket teams are playing with each other as compared to female teams because they score higher
as well as
 more competitions with each other.
Although
 we have less number of
sports
team
 of
women
's,
for instance
, there is no
team
 of girls in the Fifa world cup.
Hence
, youngsters are more excited about
men
's
sports
 matches as they are more popular.
According to
 me, we have to respect every
team
 despite of whether
men
 or
women
 are playing but nowadays individuals prefer to watch games related to boys which is a negative development. Being a
sports
-enthusiastic person every individual prefers to watch every game so we promoted female games as well and would become popular. Everyone deserves an audience with full of the stadium that encourages the
team
 to play with confidence and everybody enjoy the game.
To conclude
, I believe every individual has to give the priority to watch the games of both
men
 and
women
 so that they feel equality and both teams are motivated.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to directly address all parts of the question. In this essay, while the reasons for society's preference for men's sports are discussed, the explanation could be more detailed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the discussion on whether it is positive or negative is briefly touched upon but not developed fully. Expanding on these points would enrich the essay.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, endeavor to structure your paragraphs clearly with one main idea each and use connecting phrases to link your ideas smoothly. Try to avoid repeating phrases and vary your sentence construction to enhance readability. Incorporating transitional phrases between paragraphs can also help the reader follow your argument more easily.
language
Check for grammatical errors and ensure correct sentence structure. Avoid run-on sentences and use punctuation appropriately to aid in the clarity of your ideas. Additionally, work on the accuracy of word choice and the range of vocabulary, aiming to accurately convey nuances in your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionalized
  • commercialized
  • prominence
  • gender stereotypes
  • perceptions
  • visibility
  • sponsorships
  • advertising revenue
  • disparity
  • media coverage
  • inequalities
  • stereotypes
  • inclusive
  • equitable
  • traditional gender norms
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