IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that men and wwomen have different qualities, there fore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #wwomen #qualities #fore #jobs #women
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Many people believe that there are
jobs
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 which
suitable
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are suitable
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 for either
men
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 or
women
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 as they have distinguished abilities.
Although
Linking Words
 the belief seems like a social prejudice, I agree wholeheartedly with the conclusion drawn
on
Change preposition
from
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 it.
Firstly
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, physical health is one of the most important aspects to consider.
This
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 is because some
jobs
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such
Linking Words
 as building demand sustainability,
therefore
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,
this
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 job is only suitable with
men
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.
Secondly
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, it is obviously clear that
men
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 are self-confident so they can do more effectively in some
jobs
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 like manager than
women
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.
Thirdly
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 is courage, which
men
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 naturally have and they show excellent performance rather than
women
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 do.
For instance
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, fireman is a job which has a lot of risks and many of the workers are brave
men
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. Another reason is
women
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 are more patient than
men
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, there are some
jobs
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 like nurse which is fit with their quality. Extensive research shows that many
women
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 love working as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nurse
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nurses
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 as it fits
with
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apply
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their
ability
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abilities
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. Being good at communication is one of the highlights of
women
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 as it can offer them a variety of
jobs
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 which need to deal with customers like sales or interviewers. In conclusion,
men
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 and
women
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 have different abilities and if they choose a correct job which fits them, it can lead to success.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay has proved that there are certain
jobs
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 which wither of man or woman
according to
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 their quality
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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your stance on the issue and outlines the main points you will discuss. In your conclusion, reiterate your stance and summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more clearly, enhancing the logical flow of your essay. This will also help your paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next.
Task Achievement
Include more specific, real-world examples to support your points. These examples should clearly illustrate why certain jobs are better suited to men or women, based on the qualities you mention. The more vivid and specific your examples, the more persuasive your essay will be.
Task Achievement
Be cautious about making broad generalizations about men and women. Instead, focus on presenting nuanced arguments that acknowledge a range of abilities and preferences that do not strictly adhere to gender norms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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