In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #people #fitness #trainer #sports #exercise #classes #development

The majority of

people

are inclined

in hiring

Change preposition

to hire

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal

Replace the word

personnel

show examples

rather than

involving

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in sports or exercise classes to improve their

fitness

This

is mainly

due to

personalized focus and quick

results

However

, there are various detrimental consequences

due to

this

trend. One of the main reasons for

this

approach is the benefit of focused training.

In other words

, having a trainer provides personal attention to the individual, and

this

will provide more efficient

results

than attending a

group

yoga or exercise class.

For example

, a study conducted by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Harvard reported that 70% of individuals who hire personal trainers to build their stamina and

fitness

goals achieve

results

Change preposition

of 25

show examples

% effectively.

Moreover

, the other privilege is that one can choose a

convienient

Correct your spelling

convenient

time to attend the gym rather than attending a

group

session or playing a team sport.

This

is ideal for the current lifestyle of

people

living around the world.

This

is to say, a person can arrange a time slot to meet

fitness

goals based on their own convenience.

Although

people

choose

this

approach to achieve quick

results

, I see

this

as a negative development.

Firstly

, attending

group

fitness

sessions

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

the opportunity for individuals to meet other

people

who have the same passion and goals.

Hence

this

allows

socializing

Change preposition

for socializing

show examples

and strengthening community relationships.

This

will not be the same when hiring a personal trainer. The only person who would be dealing with

Correct pronoun usage

this is

show examples

the trainer.

Moreover

, sports encourage team building and collaboration which are not part of

individual focused

Add a hyphen

individual-focused

show examples

training. In conclusion, some

people

hire personalized trainers mainly to achieve quick

fitness

results

and

also

Change preposition

for

show examples

the benefit of having personalized training.

However

this

would be a negative development as it does not promote collaboration and relationship building as it does in

group

sessions or sports.

Submitted by madonnasama on Mon Feb 19 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs. Utilizing synonyms, transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows into the next will improve readability and cohesion.

Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address both parts of the question directly and in equal measure. This includes discussing reasons for the trend as well as thoroughly evaluating whether it's positive or negative. Incorporating more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments will also enhance your score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

personalized workout plans
tailored
efficient
awareness
physical health
motivation
guidance
convenience
flexibility
exclusivity
status symbol
inaccessible
community engagement
social interaction
health outcomes
personal achievement
health-conscious

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In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

TOPIC 4: It is thought by some that it’s better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more auspicious of their benefits?