IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that history is not important. some say it is. describe both views.

#people #history #say
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While
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 a
facton
Correct your spelling
faction
fraction
factor
 of
people
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holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 the notion that
history
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 is imperative, others argue that it is insignificant.
This
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 essay will delve into
bothview
Correct your spelling
both
points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, biased
infomration
Correct your spelling
information
 is the obvious disadvantage of learning
Use synonyms
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of a country.
In other words
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
written
history
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, majority,
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the stories about the population with high social status
such
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 as kings and businessmen,
therefore
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, the
history
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 of common
people
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, undeniably, are not recorded anywhere.
Besides
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,
people
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 are often inspired
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
history
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negatively.
For example
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, the
history
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 of pirates may inspired to youngsters
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
commit crimes.
Moreover
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, as
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation should focus on technological development, the learning of
history
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 would cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
valuable time.
Nevertheless
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, knowledge about own
history
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 is important to understand own culture. In detail,
Use synonyms
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of the
ancister
Correct your spelling
canister
ancestor
 will help young ones to understand the value of facilities which we
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 now.
In addition
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, the understanding of
history
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 might mould children to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideal
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
For example
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, the family
history
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 of own will
able
Correct word choice
enable one
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 to understand the genetic variation
and
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apply
show examples
which is essential for
the
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apply
show examples
disease management.
For example
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, several diseases are prevalent in some
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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. study about
this
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 population will help to treat and
erradicate
Correct your spelling
eradicate
 the diseases. In conclusion, the major demerit of learning
history
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 is
that is
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 only about the high class
populate
Replace the word
population
show examples
, and
history
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 may influence negatively to
people
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.
However
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, learning
history
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 will help to understand own social and medical
history
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
Address the task more directly by making your stance clearer. While both views were explored, the essay could benefit from a stronger, more direct thesis statement clarifying the writer's viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your argumentation. Some ideas felt disjointed, which could be improved by linking sentences and ideas more effectively to ensure a smoother flow of logic.
task achievement
Proofread your work to avoid spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your message.
coherence cohesion
Use more connectors and cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay easier to follow and strengthen your argument structure.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific, detailed examples for each point made. While some examples were given, further detail and explanation could strengthen your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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