Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country rather than other countries’. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many think
the
local Correct your spelling
that
literature
such
as fiction and poetry must be valued over those of other nations. I do agree with this
view for two primary reason
as follows.
Change to a plural noun
reasons
Firstly
, studying the local literature
deepen
the understanding of one’s own country Correct subject-verb agreement
deepens
particularly
for children at a young age in school. Add the comma(s)
, particularly
For instance
, in Iran introducing masterpieses
like Shahname, Manteghoteir, or Golestan to adolescents will give them a reliable source of information so that they can be aware of their rich culture and history Correct your spelling
masterpieces
masterpiece
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
makes
a sense of belonging and unity to them. Verb problem
gives
Furthermore
, having access to a huge and various source of literature
from all over the world plus social media, movies, and series, in our contemporary world are
fading diversity and leading to a Correct subject-verb agreement
is
homogeneousness
world. Teaching local Replace the word
homogeneous
literature
to the younger generation, therefore
, demands further
consideration.
Secondly
, knowing and reading more of regional literature
can boost individuals’ personal and collective identity specially
the youth, Replace the word
especially
hence
the importance of teaching district literature
at schools. To exemplify, reading works of authors such
as Jamalzadeh, Farrokhzad, or Hedayat helps Iranian juveniles to form their identity based on Persian culture since they explain Iranian customs, taboos, or beliefs in their books in the form of stories and poems.
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that schools must concentrate more on their own countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
literature
rather than those far away countries for the sake of a nation’s collective identity and enhancing it
individuals’ sense of belonging.Correct pronoun usage
its
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear and logical structure throughout. While your essay is generally well-organized, try to enhance the flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more effectively by clearly stating your position and summarizing your argument in the conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but refining them to more clearly outline your main points and stance can make your argument even more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. You provided relevant examples, but expanding on these with more detail or incorporating additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Keep your focus on fully addressing the task. You've managed to provide a comprehensive response to the prompt, articulating clear and comprehensive ideas. To enhance this further, carefully consider possible counterarguments to your view and address them to show a thorough understanding of the topic.