IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country rather than other countries’. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many think
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 local
literature
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fiction and poetry must be valued over those of other nations. I do agree with
this
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 view for two primary
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 as follows.
Firstly
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, studying the local
literature
Use synonyms
deepen
Correct subject-verb agreement
deepens
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 the understanding of one’s own country
particularly
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, particularly
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 for children at a young age in school.
For instance
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, in Iran introducing
masterpieses
Correct your spelling
masterpieces
masterpiece
 like Shahname, Manteghoteir, or Golestan to adolescents will give them a reliable source of information so that they can be aware of their rich culture and history
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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makes
Verb problem
gives
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 a sense of belonging and unity to them.
Furthermore
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, having access to a huge and various source of
literature
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 from all over the world plus social media, movies, and series, in our contemporary world
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 fading diversity and leading to a
homogeneousness
Replace the word
homogeneous
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 world. Teaching local
literature
Use synonyms
 to the younger generation,
therefore
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, demands
further
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 consideration.
Secondly
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, knowing and reading more of regional
literature
Use synonyms
 can boost individuals’ personal and collective identity
specially
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especially
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 the youth,
hence
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 the importance of teaching district
literature
Use synonyms
 at schools. To exemplify, reading works of authors
such
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 as Jamalzadeh, Farrokhzad, or Hedayat helps Iranian juveniles to form their identity based on Persian culture since they explain Iranian customs, taboos, or beliefs in their books in the form of stories and poems. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that schools must concentrate more on their own
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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literature
Use synonyms
 rather than those far away countries for the sake of a nation’s collective identity and enhancing
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 individuals’ sense of belonging.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a clear and logical structure throughout. While your essay is generally well-organized, try to enhance the flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more effectively by clearly stating your position and summarizing your argument in the conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but refining them to more clearly outline your main points and stance can make your argument even more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. You provided relevant examples, but expanding on these with more detail or incorporating additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Keep your focus on fully addressing the task. You've managed to provide a comprehensive response to the prompt, articulating clear and comprehensive ideas. To enhance this further, carefully consider possible counterarguments to your view and address them to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
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