Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion on this?
In different countries around the world, there are
two
types of schools
, one where male and female students
are mixed and those
which Correct determiner usage
one
are
uni-sex. There are Correct subject-verb agreement
is
two
opposite views regarding the benefits of each of these typed
of Replace the word
types
schools
. I personally believe that schools
registering both genders are more adantagous
.
Considering educating pupils together Correct your spelling
advantageous
two
main benefits can be mentioned. The first and foremost upside is that students
in a mixed gender
Add a hyphen
mixed-gender
schhool
have an opportunity to educate themselves about the other gender’s characteristics. Correct your spelling
school
schools
This
is
, in Unnecessary verb
apply
turn
can help them to build successful relationships in the future. Another positive point with Add the comma(s)
turn,
this
educational system is that it stimulate
an environment for Change the verb form
stimulates
students
which is very similar to what they will encounter at their work place
in their adulthood. Correct your spelling
workplace
This
can definitely help both girls and boys to have more successful job experience. These two
points are
very Unnecessary verb
apply
strong
Change the word
strongly
supports
showing how mixed Correct subject-verb agreement
support
education
can positively affect student’s
Change noun form
students’
life
in the future.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
On the other hand
, there are people who support the idea of separating boys and girls at schools
. One of the positive aspects at
Change preposition
of
this
approach is that such
schools
can better educated
their Wrong verb form
educate
students
by focusing on their unique needs and talents in terms of their gender. In addition
, when boys and girls, are separated, their level of distraction will obviously decrease during their learning sessions. This
point has been actually concluded by a survey conducted in 2010 by Add an article
the ministry
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
education
among teenagers with an age range of 13 to 17. Given the above reasons, one may argue that separated Capitalize word
Education
schools
are more affective
Correct your spelling
effective
to reach
Change preposition
in reaching
theirs
educational role.
In conclusion, both of these educational systems have their own benefits. Correct the word
their
However
, I believe that education
in a mix
environment is by far more beneficial than Change the verb form
mixed
education
in a
Correct the article-noun agreement
schools
a school
schools
where pupils of different sex
are Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
seperated
.Correct your spelling
separated
Submitted by alperenyakut on
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Introduction/Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines your position. It's important to ensure that these sections succinctly summarize your main points and stance.
Coherence
Your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, but some paragraphs would benefit from clearer topic sentences. Make sure each paragraph starts with a sentence that clearly states the main idea you will discuss.
Supporting Information
You supported your points with explanations, but incorporating more specific examples or evidence would strengthen your argument. Consider adding real-life examples, statistics, or quoting acknowledged authorities to validate your points.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are relevant and contribute to a full answer to the task; however, try to more precisely address the prompt by directly stating how tidiness in homes and workplaces specifically connects to your discussion points. Refocus slightly to ensure you're fully engaging with the exact topic provided.
Transitions
For coherence, aim to improve transitions between paragraphs and within them. Smooth transitions will help your essay to flow more naturally. Phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand' can signal the relationship between ideas more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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