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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

#people #school #students #money #life #skill #argument
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Money
management
 is an important life skill that needs to be assimilated at an early age and can be developed through consistent practice.
However
, some people present the argument that financial
management
 should be an integral part of secondary and higher secondary pedagogy that has to be taught by
teachers
 like any other important life
skills
Fix the agreement mistake
skill
show examples
.
This
 essay, or the ensuing paragraphs illustrate my opinion in
this
 regard. There are various factors that support the thought that financial
management
 could be taught during the teen years in
school
. The secondary and higher secondary
school
 period is a crucial time for assimilating new value
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 from peers,
teachers
, etc.The young adults try to model their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
according to
 their social circles, they spend most of their day in
school
, which impacts their perspective.Adolescents need constant validation from their
teachers
 regarding their habits,
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, etc;
hence
,
teachers
 are their greatest role models.
For instance
, in my nephew's hostel, every month the
children
 are allocated pocket
money
 to buy small nicks and nacks. The
children
 who spend their
money
 wisely are often rewarded with treats.
This
 creates positive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 patterns in
children
.
However
, in my opinion, financial literacy should start at home. It is quite overt that, most of the character formation of a child is completed by age seven, which clearly indicates parents play a key role in nurturing
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. It is
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 key responsibility to develop a positive perspective
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
money
management
. They could demonstrate it by keeping an expenditure tracker to make
children
 realise the value of
money
. Parents and close relatives could make
children
 aware of not spending
money
 on harmful things like liquor, drugs, cigarettes, etc.
For example
, it is quite evident in our society that
children
 end up committing crimes in order to get access to goods like drugs.
This
 act impacts negatively on society and the nation as a whole. In conclusion,there are convincing arguments about whether
money
management
 should be taught in secondary or higher secondary
school
 by the
teachers
. I opine that it is a skill, that a child carries throughout their life
hence
 it is good
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 taught both at home and at
school
 from a very young age.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. Using clear transitional phrases can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Expand on main points with more concrete, specific examples to support your arguments. This enhances clarity and the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task in your response. Make sure to directly answer the question asked, providing a clear opinion.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further for a stronger argument. More detailed examples related to the topic will enhance your essay significantly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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