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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that ti is impossible for females to be successful working women and good mothers at the same time. They also suggest that government should give salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#people #ti #females #women #mothers #time #government #salary #home #care #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Women
 are the nurturers who take
care
 of the future generation.
Hence
,the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 of a
mother
 or grandmother is of profound importance to a developing nation, so it's the responsibility of the government to provide a salary to mothers who stay at home." Be
women
, stay
women
, and become
women
" states that a woman's traditional role in ancient civilization was that of a caregiver, and
society
 still believes
women
 are the best at the role of a
mother
.
However
,in the
last
 few decades, there has been a great transformation in typical female roles
due to
 globalisation and industrialization.
Further
, there has always been a debate about whether a good
mother
 or homemaker could be a good professional. In my opinion,
women
 are good at multitasking, they are capable enough to be
self sufficient
Add a hyphen
self-sufficient
show examples
as well as
 great mothers. Modernization has impacted our
society
 in various ways, but it is an undeniable fact,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 our
society
, females are still considered to stay at home and take
care
 of the children. There are constraints imposed on females by the family and social circles.
Subsequently
, they end up putting their whole effort into grooming the family
such
 as taking
care
 of the elders, completing chores, and maintaining harmony in the family. Sadly, her hard work in nurturing her family often goes unnoticed.
For example
 , my
mother
 is a great housewife, her day starts at 4 a.m.,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
from
Correct word choice
and from
show examples
 taking
care
 of my grandmother to looking after my niece and nephew, she does
this
 all
single handedly
Add a hyphen
single-handedly
show examples
. She never gets appreciated for her herculean task;
hence
, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be a turning point if the government could pay a salary for all the homemakers and take
care
 of their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
In contrast
,globalization has impacted the patterns of
society
. Sixty to seventy years ago, we've got to see joint family patterns, contrastingly, in today's world, we notice a lot of nuclear family systems evolving in urban and suburban areas.
As a result
, there is a lot of pressure being built up in the nuclear family regarding finances, childcare, etc., which, in turn,deviates the role of
women
 from being traditional
homemaker
Fix the agreement mistake
homemakers
show examples
 to multitasking both professionally and personally as a
mother
, wife , daughter-in-law, etc.
For instance
,
women
 like Indira Nooyi and Sudha Murthy set examples of how to balance both their professional and personal lives. In conclusion, in my opinion , it is necessary to pay mothers because that support will aid the healthy development of our future generations
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

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task response
Ensure your essay addresses all aspects of the prompt directly. Your essay touches on both views but should more explicitly argue for or against the statement regarding women's ability to be successful and good mothers.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your logical structure by making clearer connections between ideas. Use transition phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next, enhancing flow and comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more definitively. Your introduction and conclusion should clearly state your main argument, making it easy for the reader to understand your stance.
task response
Enhance your task achievement by providing a clear, unequivocal stance on the topic and supporting it with a balanced range of examples and explanations throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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