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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people enjoy their free time activities which are dangerous (such as mountain-climbing, bungee jumping) What is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development

#people #time #activities #bungee #reason #development
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Extreme
activities
 like hang-gliding or mountain climbing have become very popular these days and still
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
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 to grow its influence. It attracts more and more
people
 every year and countries are trying to create even more extreme attractions. But why
Add a missing verb
are these
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
activities
 so favoured by others? I will try to explain my point of view.
Firstly
, It is not
potential
Add an article
a potential
the potential
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 danger that draws
people
 but the feeling of adrenaline and excitement. It gives us a sense of freedom and experience we never felt before. Jumping from a bed when we were kids or swimming for the first time gave us the feeling we were like a dog with two tails. The main reason why a lot of
people
likes
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 risky
activities
 is because they want to experience something unforgettable and mesmerizing.
Secondly
, these dangerous tasks can be seen as hobbies
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some
people
. If
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 is delighted by diving or skiing, it is their own choice to make. There could be times
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 a man cannot explain why is he doing
this
 particular action
nevertheless
 if it gives him happiness, no one has a right to judge him. In my personal opinion,
exreme
Correct your spelling
extreme
activities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 very significant meaning in our daily life. Without them, our life would have been very boring and dull
additionally
 we would not have discovered hidden caves and lakes like Amurta or Buer. It is not bad to explore new things whether it is for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 or science. Science was created by experiencing difficult
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 and thanks to them our current progress is developing even
further
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, make sure you explicitly answer all parts of the question. The essay should clearly discuss the reasons for the popularity of extreme activities and whether this is a positive or negative development. Incorporating specific examples and elaborating on whether this trend is positive or negative will enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the transition between paragraphs and sentences for smoother flow. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help. Additionally, ensure each paragraph revolves around one main idea, which should be clearly stated in a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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