Some people believe that the goverment sholud take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a postive or negative development?

#people #goverment #sholud #care #support #individuals #years #fund #retirement #postive #development

Poeople

Correct your spelling

People

who reach a certain age to be

pensioner

Fix the agreement mistake

pensioners

show examples

.In some countries administrations assume responsibility for their expenses and

also

pay them regularly every month. Most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals find

this

to be true

however

some of them

are thinking

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that they need to collect money for their elderliness in the course of

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the years they could run. In

this

article, I will discuss the good and bad aspects of these two ideas.

Firstly

, In many of the land, folk regularly pay taxes to their government. As well

that is

why

Rephrase

also why

show examples

, individuals think that their management has to

Add a missing verb

be interest

show examples

interest

Replace the word

interested

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

their own population when they get old.

This

makes sense. States exist for the society. In my opinion, an individual who has paid his taxes deserves to be cared for by the state. It

also

increases

public's

Correct article usage

the public's

show examples

trust in the state. In a country where there is trust,

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

do not need to

wory

Correct your spelling

worry

about for the rest of their lives. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

has a critical importance for the economy. As long as there is money, the established economic order will continue to move. All of

these reason

Change the determiner

this reason

these reasons

show examples

are

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

effects.

Secondly

, There are nations who think that all these are unnecessary expenses. They

are thinking

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that the state does not have to look after

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

you. Folk might invest in their own future

while

working. It actually, makes sense to save money for the future.

However

, I can not say that I completely agree with

this

idea. It may make sense

ın

Correct your spelling

terms of states' budgets.

However

, it is definitely not a humane approach.

Finally

, everyone has their own opinion. If we consider

this

issue from the perspective of human rights, it is extremely important to provide pensions and care for

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

crowd.

Submitted by ecem.tekben on Tue Feb 20 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in the task achievement criterion, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Include a clear opinion on whether you think the government should support the elderly or individuals should save for their retirement. Also, integrate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use clear paragraphing to separate your introduction, main body, and conclusion. Within each paragraph, ensure that sentences are linked seamlessly, using appropriate transition words. Lastly, strive for a more structured argument by presenting each main point clearly and supporting it with examples or explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
healthcare
poverty
elderly
financial literacy
planning
invest
disparities
acumen
sustainability
allocation
public service
dignity
contribution

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Some people believe that the goverment sholud take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a postive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Children often complain that history lessons are boring because they are about a past that is dead. How can schools bring history alive for pupils?

Some people think that girls should take husband’s name after marriage while others feel that they should not follow this age old tradition. What is your opinion?

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience. You should write at least 250 words.