Some people believe that the goverment sholud take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a postive or negative development?
#people #goverment #sholud #care #support #individuals #years #fund #retirement #postive #development
Poeople
who reach a certain age to be Correct your spelling
People
pensioner
.In some countries administrations assume responsibility for their expenses and Fix the agreement mistake
pensioners
also
pay them regularly every month. Most of
individuals find Change preposition
apply
this
to be true however
some of them are thinking
that they need to collect money for their elderliness in the course of Wrong verb form
think
in
the years they could run. In Change preposition
apply
this
article, I will discuss the good and bad aspects of these two ideas.
Firstly
, In many of the land, folk regularly pay taxes to their government. As well that is
why
, individuals think that their management has to Rephrase
also why
Add a missing verb
be interest
interest
Replace the word
interested
Change preposition
in
with
their own population when they get old. Change preposition
in
This
makes sense. States exist for the society. In my opinion, an individual who has paid his taxes deserves to be cared for by the state. It also
increases public's
trust in the state. In a country where there is trust, Correct article usage
the public's
community
do not need to Correct article usage
the community
wory
about for the rest of their lives. It Correct your spelling
worry
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
has a critical importance for the economy. As long as there is money, the established economic order will continue to move. All of these reason
are Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
favorable
effects.
Change the spelling
favourable
Secondly
, There are nations who think that all these are unnecessary expenses. They are thinking
that the state does not have to look after Wrong verb form
think
with
you. Folk might invest in their own future Change preposition
apply
while
working. It actually, makes sense to save money for the future. However
, I can not say that I completely agree with this
idea. It may make sense ın
terms of states' budgets. Correct your spelling
in
However
, it is definitely not a humane approach.
Finally
, everyone has their own opinion. If we consider this
issue from the perspective of human rights, it is extremely important to provide pensions and care for elderly
crowd.Correct article usage
the elderly
Submitted by ecem.tekben on
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in the task achievement criterion, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Include a clear opinion on whether you think the government should support the elderly or individuals should save for their retirement. Also, integrate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use clear paragraphing to separate your introduction, main body, and conclusion. Within each paragraph, ensure that sentences are linked seamlessly, using appropriate transition words. Lastly, strive for a more structured argument by presenting each main point clearly and supporting it with examples or explanations.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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