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Writing Samples
Band 4

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The following chart showcases two pie distributions of leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 amongst European
adults
Use synonyms
 in two different periods. The first one
about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 1985 and the second one 10 years later.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 description,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
be elucidated
Wrong verb form
elucidate
show examples
 important changes throughout
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 decade. It can be seen that rather hobbies in 1985 are related to watching TV and
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
 out with friends, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 surveyed
whereas
Linking Words
 talking with family and other
activities
Use synonyms
 are less important.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 10 years later spending time had changed dramatically, watching TV is commonly used but a new one
arise
Wrong verb form
has arisen
show examples
 and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 almost three tens of leisure
activities
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 is related to
play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
 computer games. Both surpass the half-barrier.
However
Linking Words
,
adults
Use synonyms
 continue maintaining the percentage of spending time with friends. In fact, it increased 5%.
Thus
Linking Words
,
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as talking with family, eating out and others have been incredibly decreased
due to
Linking Words
adults
Use synonyms
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferring
show examples
 to
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their time staying at home playing computer games.
For instance
Linking Words
, eating out was commonly used
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 23%, almost two
adults
Use synonyms
 between a hundred, now in 1995 only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
8%
consumes
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 food outside,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means that only eight in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hundred go out of their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, talking with family diminished
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from 18% to 7%.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that computer games have impacted the
activities
Use synonyms
 of
Europeans
Replace the word
European
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 importantly.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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