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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US
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The information about
honey
Use synonyms
 bee
colonies
Use synonyms
 and
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 of
honey
Use synonyms
 in the US is illustrated by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
given bar graphs
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
perion
Correct your spelling
period
person
 of forty years. The data has been calibrated in numbers
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be vividly manifested that the figures of
colonies
Use synonyms
 experienced
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend,
while
Linking Words
 the production of
honey
Use synonyms
 noticed
with
Change preposition
apply
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fluctuations
figures
Change preposition
in figures
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. Upon initial examination of the chart, a slight disparity was noticed in the number of
honey
Use synonyms
bees
Change the noun form
bee
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colonies
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 1980 with 4
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 4.2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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, respectively.
Further
Linking Words
 analysis reveals that
,
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apply
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 the ratio of
colonies
Use synonyms
 of bees declined from 4.2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 to 3.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 during
Correct article usage
the
show examples
next 10 years,
whereas
Linking Words
 a
two fold
Add a hyphen
two-fold
show examples
 reduction was apparent in the number of
colonies
Use synonyms
 which was 3.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 1990 and 1.7
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2010, correspondingly. Moving to the next information, a significant increment could be seen in the quantity of
honey
Use synonyms
 from 130,000 to 110,000 in 1970 and 1980. Henceforward, there was a gradual incline of 10000 in
theproduction
Correct your spelling
the production
 oh
honey
Use synonyms
 in 1990. Probing ahead, a considerable dwindle was observed from 2000 to 2010 in the amount of
honey
Use synonyms
, the former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was 100,000 and the latter was 70,000.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, colonies, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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