IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US

the charts below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US
#show #information #honey-bee #colonies #honey #production
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The information about
honey
 bee
colonies
 and
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
honey
 in the US is illustrated by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
given bar graphs
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
perion
Correct your spelling
period
person
 of forty years. The data has been calibrated in numbers
To conclude
, it can be vividly manifested that the figures of
colonies
 experienced
downward
Add an article
a downward
show examples
 trend,
while
 the production of
honey
 noticed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fluctuations
figures
Change preposition
in figures
show examples
. Upon initial examination of the chart, a slight disparity was noticed in the number of
honey
bees
Change the noun form
bee
show examples
colonies
 between 1970 and 1980 with 4
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and 4.2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, respectively.
Further
 analysis reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the ratio of
colonies
 of bees declined from 4.2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to 3.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 during
Correct article usage
the
show examples
next 10 years,
whereas
 a
two fold
Add a hyphen
two-fold
show examples
 reduction was apparent in the number of
colonies
 which was 3.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1990 and 1.7
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2010, correspondingly. Moving to the next information, a significant increment could be seen in the quantity of
honey
 from 130,000 to 110,000 in 1970 and 1980. Henceforward, there was a gradual incline of 10000 in
theproduction
Correct your spelling
the production
 oh
honey
 in 1990. Probing ahead, a considerable dwindle was observed from 2000 to 2010 in the amount of
honey
, the former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 100,000 and the latter was 70,000.
Submitted by real.nawa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, colonies, millions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: