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Band 5.5

The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only governments can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cities #consequences #people #governments
Owing to the rise in population and the polarization of
people
 towards urban cities, there was a scarcity of houses in metropolises. To encounter
this
 issue, some shortsighted
people
 raised the argument that only the
government
 can solve
this
 problem.I'm of the opinion that
people
 at an individual level and the
government
 should work together to resolve
this
 issue. There are many reasons to support
this
,
such
 as
mounting
Correct article usage
the mounting
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population in metropolises from all
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the country, which can lead to overcrowding, traffic problems, pollution, crime, and the spread of diseases like cholera, malaria, etc; The
government
 could take measures by imposing strict administrative checks on the real estate sector;
additionally
, they could incorporate proper drinking water, a sewage system, and water disposal.
For example
, the central
government
's scheme called Swach Bharath created awareness among
people
 to keep their cities clean and
disease free
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
. It is quite evident that in metropolises there is a huge population of illegal immigrants from countries like Bangladesh and Nepal who try to create living spaces in public properties like bridges,
road sides
Correct your spelling
roadsides
show examples
, railway stations, etc., which makes the situation even worse.
Furthermore
, from a
micro level
Add a hyphen
micro-level
show examples
 perspective, it is an individual's responsibility to pay off taxes on time so that the
government
 will be able to provide better infrastructure.
Next,
illegal occupation of land has to be stopped, and individuals who own property should be willing to provide a part of the property to the
government
 for the construction of roads and bridges.
Finally
, I think it is not only the responsibility of the
government
 to reduce
such
 social problems as housing scarcity in big cities;
consequently
,
people
 at an individual level should
also
 contribute to solving
such
 issues. I opine that it should be a joint endeavour from both the
people
 and
government
 sides.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

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Introduction Clarity
To enhance your essay, aim to develop a more structured introduction that clearly states your thesis. While your introduction provides an outline, a more direct thesis statement would strengthen your argument.
Transitions and Flow
Work on transition phrases between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the logical flow and internal coherence of your essay.
Use of Examples
While you provided examples, integrating more specific, varied examples to support your points can enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments. Try to use examples that clearly illustrate and directly relate to your main points.
Balanced Argumentation
To address the task more completely, ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more equally and that your conclusion clearly summarizes your position. This will make your response to the prompt more comprehensive.
Sentence Structure
Pay attention to sentence structure and aim for variety and complexity in your writing. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper punctuation to improve readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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