There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
For young people to succeed academically has more pressure than there used to be. For improving
concentracety
on academic work, some people think the subjects that are not related to academics like physical education can cookery could be Correct your spelling
concentricity
concentrate
canceled
.
Change the spelling
cancelled
Firstly
, getting high scores in academics requires students to spend plenty of time on
studying. Change preposition
apply
For example
, to be a software engineer, the
mathematics and science are considered the most important classes in school. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, practicing
on huge amounts of quizzes and research for deeper knowledge would be necessary for kids that there has no time for Change the spelling
practising
the
subject Correct article usage
a
that is
not related.
Nevertheless
, schools should provide diverse fields for students to discover their personality. For instance
, subject art and music allow children to walk out of the room to see the world with great artists' works. Furthermore
, painting needs people to concentrate to
comprehending the logic of the physical and colour mixing.
In conclusion, it is my opinion that academic topics are not the only purpose we need to pursue in school life. Change preposition
on
Moreover
, to find the purpose of life, students need to experience the world and things brought by
diverse matters and exercises.Change preposition
about by
Submitted by sam658769 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question posed. State your position clearly in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
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task achievement
Clarify your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Avoid broad statements by focusing on specifics which demonstrate your understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Increase the relevance of your examples by choosing those that directly support your main points. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the arguments they are intended to illustrate.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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