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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For young people to succeed academically has more pressure than there used to be. For improving
concentracety
Correct your spelling
concentricity
concentrate
 on academic work, some people think the subjects that are not related to academics like physical education can cookery could be
canceled
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cancelled
show examples
.
Firstly
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, getting high scores in academics requires students to spend plenty of time
on
Change preposition
apply
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studying.
For example
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, to be a software engineer,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mathematics and science are considered the most important classes in school.
Therefore
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,
practicing
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practising
show examples
 on huge amounts of quizzes and research for deeper knowledge would be necessary for kids that there has no time for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 subject
that is
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 not related.
Nevertheless
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, schools should provide diverse fields for students to discover their personality.
For instance
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, subject art and music allow children to walk out of the room to see the world with great artists' works.
Furthermore
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, painting needs people to concentrate
to
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on
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 comprehending the logic of the physical and colour mixing. In conclusion, it is my opinion that academic topics are not the only purpose we need to pursue in school life.
Moreover
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, to find the purpose of life, students need to experience the world and things brought
by
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about by
show examples
 diverse matters and exercises.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing your arguments more clearly. Start with a topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by explanation and examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question posed. State your position clearly in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay, and that you cover relevant aspects related to the topic.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Avoid broad statements by focusing on specifics which demonstrate your understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Increase the relevance of your examples by choosing those that directly support your main points. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the arguments they are intended to illustrate.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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