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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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For young people to succeed academically has more pressure than there used to be. For improving
concentracety
Correct your spelling
concentricity
concentrate

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on academic work, some people think the subjects that are not related to academics like physical education can cookery could be
canceled
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cancelled

The spelling of canceled is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
Firstly
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, getting high scores in academics requires students to spend plenty of time
on
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apply

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studying.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to be a software engineer,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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mathematics and science are considered the most important classes in school.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
practicing
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practising

The spelling of practicing is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 on huge amounts of quizzes and research for deeper knowledge would be necessary for kids that there has no time for
the
Correct article usage
a

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 subject
that is
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 not related.
Nevertheless
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, schools should provide diverse fields for students to discover their personality.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, subject art and music allow children to walk out of the room to see the world with great artists' works.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, painting needs people to concentrate
to
Change preposition
on

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 comprehending the logic of the physical and colour mixing. In conclusion, it is my opinion that academic topics are not the only purpose we need to pursue in school life.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to find the purpose of life, students need to experience the world and things brought
by
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about by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 diverse matters and exercises.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing your arguments more clearly. Start with a topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by explanation and examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question posed. State your position clearly in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay, and that you cover relevant aspects related to the topic.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Avoid broad statements by focusing on specifics which demonstrate your understanding of the subject.
task achievement
Increase the relevance of your examples by choosing those that directly support your main points. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the arguments they are intended to illustrate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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