There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

For young people to succeed academically has more pressure than there used to be. For improving

concentracety

Correct your spelling

concentricity

concentrate

on academic work, some people think the subjects that are not related to academics like physical education can cookery could be

canceled

Change the spelling

cancelled

show examples

Firstly

, getting high scores in academics requires students to spend plenty of time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

studying.

For example

, to be a software engineer,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mathematics and science are considered the most important classes in school.

Therefore

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

on huge amounts of quizzes and research for deeper knowledge would be necessary for kids that there has no time for

the

Correct article usage

show examples

subject

that is

not related.

Nevertheless

, schools should provide diverse fields for students to discover their personality.

For instance

, subject art and music allow children to walk out of the room to see the world with great artists' works.

Furthermore

, painting needs people to concentrate

Change preposition

show examples

comprehending the logic of the physical and colour mixing. In conclusion, it is my opinion that academic topics are not the only purpose we need to pursue in school life.

Moreover

, to find the purpose of life, students need to experience the world and things brought

Change preposition

about by

show examples

diverse matters and exercises.

Submitted by sam658769 on Tue Feb 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical structure by organizing your arguments more clearly. Start with a topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by explanation and examples.

coherence cohesion

Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question posed. State your position clearly in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Develop your main points by supporting them with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay, and that you cover relevant aspects related to the topic.

task achievement

Clarify your ideas by developing them more comprehensively. Avoid broad statements by focusing on specifics which demonstrate your understanding of the subject.

task achievement

Increase the relevance of your examples by choosing those that directly support your main points. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the arguments they are intended to illustrate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

194 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that these days animal rights have gone completely viral. So some people think that animals are used in a negative way by humans, while others believe that animals are created to serve humans. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion.
4.5
band
The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Modern technologies , such as mobile phones and laptops , can connect us to each other every hour of day with networking sites and a big board of aplications. I think this issue has some advantages and some disadvantages that I want to explain them.
6.5
band
Some people believe that free social service should be made compulsory for high school students .do you agree or disagree
In this contemporary era, numerous individuals are of the belief that public services such as public transportation services should be provided free of charge for high schoolers. I completely agree with this statement because the majority of students are not able to afford many public services because they are fully occupied with their studies and cannot work , as well as, this will activate a sense of equality among learners.
7
band
some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary . Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages?
The debate over whether children should start learning a foreign language at primary school or secondary school is a topic of interest among educators. Evaluating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages is essential in shaping language education policies.
5.5
band
You have recently travelled on a train and unfortunately left your luggage. Write a letter to the manager of the Lost and Found department of the railway regarding the luggage you accidentally left on the train. In your letter, give details of your train trip describe the luggage you left on the train say what actions you want him/her to take Write at least 150 words.
I writing this letter to ask about the luggage that I accidentally left on the train when I was travelling from Toronto to Oakville Yesterday and the bag is very important as my some documents inside.

Your opinion

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The internet and technology, like mobile phones and laptops, are connecting us to each other every hour of the day via networking sites and applications. Do you think it’s an advantage or disadvantage? Explain your answer. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Some people believe that free social service should be made compulsory for high school students .do you agree or disagree

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary . Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages?