IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the causes of this topic? What measures can be international community take to meet this demand?

#demand #food #topic #measures #community
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In the
last
Linking Words
 decades, we have seen a growing demand for nourishment globally. The increasing demand could mean
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 to our society because we have to find ways to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 the supply of
food
Use synonyms
 internationally.
This
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 essay will explain the factors behind
this
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 issue and suggestions to address the problem. There are two causes why
this
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 issue appears.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 is in terms of supply. In the
last
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 20 years, the means of meal production has been declining globally. Usually, people can make
food
Use synonyms
 easily by farming in many areas in great weather.
However
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,
due to
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 rapid
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 in the
environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
, most of the lands used for
food
Use synonyms
 production are now modified
to
Change preposition
into
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 urban settlements. The statistics
shows
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show
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 almost 40% of the
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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 used for farming
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 now become houses.
Second
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The second
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 is in terms of demand. The population is growing exponentially which means the need for
food
Use synonyms
also
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 increasing.
Moreover
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, the average calories needed for an individual is
also
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 getting bigger.
For example
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, In 1979, an average person only needs 13500 calories daily. Now it has increased to 15000 calories per day.
This
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 change has impacted the need
of
Change preposition
for
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food
Use synonyms
 in
population
Correct article usage
the population
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. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
this
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 issue,
international
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the international
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 community has
responsibility
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the responsibility
a responsibility
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 to solve the problem.
First,
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the United Nations can start by making
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
 agreement to legally bind the countries to preserve their lands for
food
Use synonyms
 production properly.
Second,
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the government can support their farmers by giving
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
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of with
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for
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 quality tools and seeds.
Last
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 but not least,
the
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apply
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society has to move to a
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 lifestyle by eating balanced nutrition and avoiding overconsumption
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is bad for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has an identifiable introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help structure your essay and guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, in addition) to better link your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Directly address all parts of the task. Ensure you fully answer the question by discussing reasons for the growing demand for food and providing specific, detailed measures the international community can take.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and data to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
general
Avoid typos and grammatical errors to maintain professionalism and clarity in your writing. Always proofread your essay.
task achievement
Consider discussing contrasting views or additional aspects of the problem to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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