Obesity is a major problem especially for children. What are the causes and the possible solutions.

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Nowadays, high weight in

children

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become a major problem for many reasons.

Moreover

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, in

this

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easy, I'm going. To tackle

this

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concerning issue discuss the causes of impact and find viable remedies. On the one hand, playing video games and sitting in front of the TV for a long

time

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are the main causes of obesity and other diseases .

Firstly

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,the parents should set a schedule for the

children

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about the

time

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to watch the television and play games. To explain, the child needs to do some activities to improve their mind and his body by doing practical exercises.A recent research conducted by

suhar

Change the capitalization

Suhar

show examples

University shows that 80% of

children

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who had physical exercise have healthy bodies.

Therefore

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,joining the

children

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in the gym can help the

children

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ride from obesity and many other diseases

On the other hand

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,many

children

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nowadays eat unhealthy fast food because their parents work for a long

time

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during the day.So in

this

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case, the parents should cook healthy food for their child during the weekend for all weekdays.Another Solution is to let the child do some sports exercise,

for example

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,playing football or riding a bike. In conclusion, most

children

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spend a long

time

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sitting on the sofa rather than going outside and walking.

Therefore

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this

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essay shows that the main cause of obesity is the lack of exercise and bad eating habits.

safia-93sTue Feb 20 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider starting with a clearer introduction that directly addresses the essay question, stating the causes and solutions of obesity in children. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures and ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea for clarity.

Task Achievement

Ensure there is a clear conclusion that summarises the cause and solutions discussed in the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes by proofreading your essay. Words like 'easy' instead of 'essay' can decrease the clarity of your message.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Mentioning studies is good, but adding details about the study enhances credibility.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

228 words

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Obesity is a major problem especially for children. What are the causes and the possible solutions.

Your opinion

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

Social media has completely changed the way family and friends communicate with each other. What ore the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do think some people might not be happy to give using cash.