IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
We are living in
fast-paced
Add an article
a fast-paced
the fast-paced
show examples
world
, where almost everything is getting
mould
Wrong verb form
moulded
show examples
 and possible day by day.
As nowadays
Change preposition
Nowadays
show examples
 to reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other region
Change the wording
another region
other regions
show examples
 of the
world
 for inventors and explorers is not as difficult as it
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
 the past. In
this
 essay, I
shall
Verb problem
apply
show examples
intend to look pros of
this
 development
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh the cons or not. With the advancements of many other things
such
 as technology,
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
world
 and marketing many things are happening on the dot.
Similarly
,
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
trip
Correct pronoun usage
who trip
show examples
 to places where conditions are difficult
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 taking place with great measures so that they can reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their destinations. It is forwarding steps to know about new areas of the
world
.
For example
, with the advent of remote natural
travels
Add a comma
travels,
show examples
 we found about
life
 possibilities on other planets.
Secondly
, tourists can
fulfilll
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their
desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
show examples
of seeing
Change preposition
to see
show examples
eye catching
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
show examples
 sites of
world
Add an article
the world
a world
show examples
 which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 feelings of taking more adventures in
life
.
Moreover
,
this
 progress
build
Change the verb form
builds
show examples
 insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
taking
Rephrase
how taking
show examples
 risks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 possible in many other aspects of
life
 among our adolescents and teenagers as they feel everything is possible now. There are some drawbacks to travel to unexpected areas where basic facilities are not available. In
such
 areas weather is unpredictable and
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 is not suitable for laymen, minute mistakes can take the
life
 of someone.
To conclude
, it is completely onus on investigators and tourists before move to remote natural environments they should plan after ensuring all basic measures of
life
. No doubt,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
 development
is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure you directly address all parts of the task, specifically stating if advantages outweigh disadvantages clearly.
Task Achievement
Clarify your main ideas by developing them more comprehensively with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Adopt a more structured approach with clearly separated paragraphs for introduction, each main point, and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs more smoothly using a range of cohesive devices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: