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Band 5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
We are living in
fast-paced
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a fast-paced
the fast-paced
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world
, where almost everything is getting
mould
Wrong verb form
moulded
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 and possible day by day.
As nowadays
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Nowadays
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 to reach
on
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apply
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other region
Change the wording
another region
other regions
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 of the
world
 for inventors and explorers is not as difficult as it
in
Add a missing verb
was in
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 the past. In
this
 essay, I
shall
Verb problem
apply
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intend to look pros of
this
 development
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweigh the cons or not. With the advancements of many other things
such
 as technology,
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
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world
 and marketing many things are happening on the dot.
Similarly
,
travelers
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travellers
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trip
Correct pronoun usage
who trip
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 to places where conditions are difficult
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 taking place with great measures so that they can reach
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their destinations. It is forwarding steps to know about new areas of the
world
.
For example
, with the advent of remote natural
travels
Add a comma
travels,
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 we found about
life
 possibilities on other planets.
Secondly
, tourists can
fulfilll
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their
desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
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of seeing
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to see
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eye catching
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
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 sites of
world
Add an article
the world
a world
show examples
 which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 feelings of taking more adventures in
life
.
Moreover
,
this
 progress
build
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builds
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 insight
of
Change preposition
into
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taking
Rephrase
how taking
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 risks
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 possible in many other aspects of
life
 among our adolescents and teenagers as they feel everything is possible now. There are some drawbacks to travel to unexpected areas where basic facilities are not available. In
such
 areas weather is unpredictable and
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 is not suitable for laymen, minute mistakes can take the
life
 of someone.
To conclude
, it is completely onus on investigators and tourists before move to remote natural environments they should plan after ensuring all basic measures of
life
. No doubt,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of
this
 development
is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you directly address all parts of the task, specifically stating if advantages outweigh disadvantages clearly.
Task Achievement
Clarify your main ideas by developing them more comprehensively with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Adopt a more structured approach with clearly separated paragraphs for introduction, each main point, and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs more smoothly using a range of cohesive devices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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