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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to go to health clubs and gyms for health care, some say the walking and climbing stairs are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #clubs #gyms #care #say #stairs
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In recent years, working out has been of much interest to the general public. Some assert that going to the
gym
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 can be beneficial for
health
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 care.
However
Linking Words
, others deem that running and climbing stairs in daily life are more effective
instead
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 of going to the
gym
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 in
person
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. Some argue that working out at the
gym
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 is a better way. Because there are usually professional trainers at the
gym
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, it has the advantage of being safe, and easy and learning how to
exercise
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 and how to use
exercise
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 equipment based on various knowledge.
In addition
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, it is true that it is difficult to learn the exact way to
exercise
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 by yourself.
Therefore
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, there is a higher risk of injury if you
exercise
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 alone, so going to the
gym
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 and exercising with a trainer or
exercise
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 professional is effective for keeping your
health
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.
In addition
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, if you go to the
gym
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 and
exercise
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 in
person
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, you are more likely to be motivated by watching other people
exercise
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 and
exercise
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 harder.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that methods
such
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 as walking, jumping, and going up and down stairs are more effective ways to
exercise
Use synonyms
 in daily life.
First,
Linking Words
it can reduce the cost compared to going to the
gym
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 in
person
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.
In addition
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, people can freely access
exercise
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 regardless of age, place, and time. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 walking alone and exercising using stairs is easier and can reduce financial burden by simply exercising, going to the
gym
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 in
person
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 can improve your
health
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 through safer and more accurate
exercise
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. I think people don't know how to
exercise
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 effectively, easily, and accurately.
Therefore
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, I think you should go to a professional
gym
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 or
gym
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 with an expert to learn
health
Use synonyms
 care.
Submitted by gnlwnww on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance structure and readability.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both views thoroughly and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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