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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Chart illustrates the proportion of the UK population to eat fruit and vegetables five times per day from 2001 to 2008.

Chart illustrates the proportion of the UK population to eat fruit and vegetables five times per day from 2001 to 2008.
The presented bar chart shows the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of British people who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
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 fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 5 times daily between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the number of women
eaten
Wrong verb form
eating
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 fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 was the highest in all mentioned
years
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, all three different groups experienced a rise until 2006, and
then
Linking Words
 a small fall can be seen to the end of the period. In detail, in the first three
years
Use synonyms
, the proportion of having fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 for children and men remained steadily at 12% and 17% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 in these
years
Use synonyms
 an
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
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 in the usage of women can be observed between almost 20% and 27% on a daily basis.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, In 2004, the percentage of women and children was approximately one to two,
whereas
Linking Words
 the men group consisted of 20 per cent of
total
Add an article
the total
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 population. In the following 2
years
Use synonyms
, the peak of over one-thirds was reached by females,
while
Linking Words
 males and
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 hit the peak in 2007 at around 27% and a quarter.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, the ratio of eating
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and fruits per day for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UK citizens declined slightly by almost 2 % for each.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words vegetables, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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