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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009.

The charts below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009.
#show #travel
The bar and linear charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
travel
 and
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
issues
 for the travelling public in the US in 2009.Five
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and six
issues
 are represented, the reasons are visit, social, shopping, personal and for work,
while
 the
issues
 are
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
travel
, safety concerns, aggressive drivers, highway congestion, access to public transport and space for
pedestrains
Correct your spelling
pedestrians
.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
 we
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 about the
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
travel
. Obviously, the majority of
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 is for work, almost take up half
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of all, at 49%.
While
 visit somebody and social are the lowest of the chart, the social
reason
 take up 10% and visit somebody only at 6%. The
reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping and personal are quite close,
they
Add a missing verb
is they
show examples
 are 16% and 19%. The six
issues
 for the travelling public have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 totally different distribution. Price of
travel
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a major role in all, almost 3/1, at 36%. Meanwhile, safety concerns, aggressive drivers and highway congestion
almost
Add a missing verb
are almost
show examples
 equal,
at14
Correct your spelling
at 14
%,17% and 19%.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, the lowest
issues
 are access to public transport and space for
pedestrains
Correct your spelling
pedestrians
, only at 8% and 6%. In summary, there are
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of reasons and
issues
 ,maybe lots of
issues
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
travel
were happened
Change to the active voice
happened
have happened
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the way to and from work.
Submitted by sunnylyu0165 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reason, travel, issues with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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