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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009.

The charts below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009.
#show #travel
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The bar and linear charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 the
reason
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of
Change preposition
for
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travel
Use synonyms
 and
main
Correct article usage
the main
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issues
Use synonyms
 for the travelling public in the US in 2009.Five
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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 and six
issues
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 are represented, the reasons are visit, social, shopping, personal and for work,
while
Linking Words
 the
issues
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 are
price
Add an article
the price
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 of
travel
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, safety concerns, aggressive drivers, highway congestion, access to public transport and space for
pedestrains
Correct your spelling
pedestrians
.
First
Add a comma
First,
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 we
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
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 about the
reason
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
travel
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. Obviously, the majority of
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reason
Add an article
the reason
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 is for work, almost take up half
percent
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per cent
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 of all, at 49%.
While
Linking Words
 visit somebody and social are the lowest of the chart, the social
reason
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 take up 10% and visit somebody only at 6%. The
reason
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of
Change preposition
apply
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shopping and personal are quite close,
they
Add a missing verb
is they
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 are 16% and 19%. The six
issues
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 for the travelling public have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 totally different distribution. Price of
travel
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a major role in all, almost 3/1, at 36%. Meanwhile, safety concerns, aggressive drivers and highway congestion
almost
Add a missing verb
are almost
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 equal,
at14
Correct your spelling
at 14
%,17% and 19%.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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, the lowest
issues
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 are access to public transport and space for
pedestrains
Correct your spelling
pedestrians
, only at 8% and 6%. In summary, there are
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of reasons and
issues
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 ,maybe lots of
issues
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of
Change preposition
with
show examples
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
travel
Use synonyms
were happened
Change to the active voice
happened
have happened
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the way to and from work.
Submitted by sunnylyu0165 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words reason, travel, issues with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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