The chart bellow shows the percentage of car trips by purpose and genders in 2015.

The chart bellow shows the percentage of car trips by purpose and genders in 2015.
The bar graph represents the proportion of car travelling done by males and females for their aim.
Overall
, it can be observed that feminine were the least , who visited the town , masculine most travelled for work. The most striking feature of the graph is that the number of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
was decreased in visiting town and recreation.
However
, men had the maximum ratio for both purposes.In terms of courses , women had the
more
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
men (12%, and 8% respectively).
Furthermore
, both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
had the almost same proportion in the bank and running errands. Moving on to the remaining information, the statistics of females and males for the plan of visiting friends were circa 8% and 5%, respectively.
Moreover
, the percentage of both genders hand substantially rose in work, which was 40% for women and around 53% for males.
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
last
trip , which was for shopping, the feminine had more ratio as compared to the masculine.
Submitted by sarfaraz.zain619 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: