IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
gender
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equality
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 is seen to be one of many deciding factors of university admission criteria. To achieve
such
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 a condition, it argued that the same
number
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 of
students
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 for
both
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 genders, men and women, should be accepted.
While
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 it is true that we should encourage more women to pursue higher education,
this
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 essay disagrees with that policy for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with, it is important to understand that
equality
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 does not always mean the same condition for
both
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 parties. In
this
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 case,
equality
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 is not represented by the same
number
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 of men and women
students
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 admitted,
instead
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 it should give an equal opportunity for
both
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 to enter the application stage by implementing the same standard in the assessment.
Therefore
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,
universities
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 should primarily focus on the merit and potential of applicants rather than enforcing
gender
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 quotas. Admissions should be based on individual achievements, skills, and aptitudes to ensure that the most qualified candidates are selected, regardless of
gender
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. The second reason is imposing strict
gender
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 ratios might overlook the natural differences in interest and choice between genders across various subjects.
For instance
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, there may be a higher interest among females in subjects like nursing or psychology and among males in engineering or computer science. These preferences should not be suppressed in the name of
gender
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equality
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.
Instead
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 of a maximum
number
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 of male
students
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,
universities
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 can provide a minimum
number
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 of females within a major to motivate female
students
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 to apply for men-dominated fields. In conclusion, conditioning the
number
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 of
students
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 for
both
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 genders will not help the
universities
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 achieve
gender
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equality
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. By focusing on quality and standardized requirements,
universities
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 can provide fair competition,
thus
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 enabling diversity to happen.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that it is not needed for educational institutions to determine a precise
number
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 for
both
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 their male and female
students
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.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, focus on addressing the prompt more directly throughout your essay. Ensure your arguments are always clearly linked to the question asked.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, work on better linking your ideas and paragraphs. Transitioning smoothly from one idea to the next can greatly improve readability.
Task Achievement
Enhance your Task Achievement by incorporating more detailed and specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph structuring techniques to clarify the relationships between your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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