IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to find these energy sources in remote locations. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#demand #oil #gas #energy #sources #locations #outweigh
It is undeniable that the world is increasingly demanding a vast amount of energy
resources
such
 as
oil
 and natural
gas
, and to meet
this
 need, it has become mandatory to find them in untouched areas.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 finding these natural
resources
 has led to providing more sources of energy, it is easy to understand that their cons outweigh their pros. Analyzing the various aspects of
this
 trend will show
this
. On the one hand, there is no denying the fact that the extraction of natural
resources
 like
oil
 and
gas
 would bring several benefits. Exploiting untouched places could provide
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 amount of
oil
 and
gas
, solving the existing problem of lacking energy sources. Since almost all of the places are intensively immense, the potential of
this
 field is massive. These fields will give a chance to governments
as well as
 companies to construct more factories, which leads to having more opportunities for citizens to get employment in these areas .
For instance
, Saudi Arabia is renowned for its natural
resources
 in the world. So, the government has earned a lot of money by selling raw
oil
 and
gas
 to developed countries, whose technology
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 cutting edge.
Overall
, these natural
resources
 contribute to the economic growth and sustainable development of the country.
On the other hand
, the excessive use of
gas
 and
oil
 has adverse effects on nature,
such
 as global warming and climate change, which lead to a surge in global temperatures affecting green areas.
Therefore
, exploitation of the green regions will threaten animals and birds,not only devastating their homes but
also
 causing health diseases .
For instance
, an area in which countries would like to drill is the Antarctic,home to many birds and animals
such
 as penguins and polar bears, any spillages would be disastrous to the environment. In conclusion,despite the fact that the extraction of natural
resources
 has certain benefits, it
also
 has a wide range of drawbacks to the ecosystem, which
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the benefits as it will damage
Correct article usage
the environments
show examples
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Intensify the breadth and depth of your examples to corroborate your points more convincingly. While the essay offers specific instances, a deeper dive into fewer, more focused examples could enrich the argument.
coherence & cohesion
Enhancing your range of connective devices and transitions between paragraphs could improve the fluidity of your text, making your argument even more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
In terms of task response, ensure that your essay directly and completely addresses every aspect of the prompt. Consider exploring the advantages and disadvantages more evenly to provide a well-balanced argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: