IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words.
#indicators #four #countries #nations #statistics #information
The table shows
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indicators of social and economic sectors among four countries in 1994
to
Change preposition
according to
show examples
 United Nations Statistics.
Overall
, it can be seen that four countries have variative
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 in the all of categories.
To begin
,
Japan
 has
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
number
 of annual income per person, namely 15760.
Following
this
,
Canada
 has
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 amount
income
Change preposition
of income
show examples
 yearly as
Japan
 does.
Whereas
Peru
 and
Zaire
 obtained 160 and 130 dollars.
Then
,
Japan
 becomes a
countey
Correct your spelling
country
county
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 its citizen has
longest
Change the article
the longest
show examples
 expectancy.
Then
 as earlier
Canada
also
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 up with
similar
Add an article
a similar
the similar
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy at birth namely 76. People
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
Peru
 have less range of life expectancy compared with
Japan
 and
Canada
.
However
, Individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
Zaire
 have
shortest
Change the article
the shortest
show examples
 life among those countries.
Next,
in terms of
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 that
accepted
Add a missing verb
are accepted
show examples
 per individual, the
number
reaching
Wrong verb form
reaches
show examples
 the thousands mark. In
this
 turn,
Canada
 and
Japan
 become
Add an article
the leader
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 which has
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 calorie supply at 3326 and 2846.
While
Peru
 and
Zaire
 achieved calorie supply with almost similar
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
.
Last
, regarding to literacy rate of
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
,
Canada
 and
Japan
 reached almost perfect
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 namely 99%,
whereas
Peru
Change preposition
in Peru
show examples
 and
Zaire
 individuals on average have
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
 of literacy ability in 68% and 34%
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japan, canada, peru, zaire with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: