IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact in local culture. What do you think have been the impact? Do you think the advantage overweigh disadvantage?

#exposure #media #films #tv #magazines #impact #culture #advantage #overweigh
In the modern world, media plays an important in our daily life.
Use
Correct article usage
The use
show examples
 of foreign
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
likes
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 movies,
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 shows and other types of magazines has a significant change in the local culture. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it has more merits than demerits. Mainly, films help to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication skills. Nowadays, youngsters
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to do jobs in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international and multinational companies. So,
this
 platform helps them to learn the language and improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
foreign accent.
Thus
, the opportunity to work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad and promotion in their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
are
Change the verb form
are also enhanced
show examples
also
 enhance. Likely, the shows and magazines
are help
Change the verb form
are helping
show examples
 to know the foreign culture. Their
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, dress code, climate,
attitudes
Correct word choice
and attitudes
show examples
 are much different than our traditional customs. It publishes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interviews of
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
famous actors, business persons or other
modelers
Change the spelling
modellers
show examples
. That would motivate and inspire
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
as well as
 adults to do something different.
In contrast
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the
over influence
Add a hyphen
over-influence
show examples
 will affect the traditional culture and backgrounds. In India, folk dance is one of the traditional dances. Unfortunately, nowadays the youth are attracted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western pop songs and that kind of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. It was not unfamiliar to everyone, BTS is a famous Korean band popular all over the world. When they plan to stop the band, the people in the other countries conduct a campaign for them.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international cultures aid individuals to learn about new things and achieve some skills through
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
. the results of the international
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 showing more advantages than disadvantages.
Submitted by fspt1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the impact of international media on local cultures and your stance on whether its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. A more defined thesis statement would make your position clearer.
task response
Develop your ideas more comprehensively with specific, relevant examples. While you mention aspects like improvement of communication skills and exposure to foreign cultures, incorporating detailed examples or statistics would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a different main point. Your essay should have a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing your main points, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure your ideas flow naturally from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. This not only helps in making your argument more cohesive but also guides the reader through your essay smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: